When in Spain
by StZen
Summary: TITLE CHANGED//Semi-AU//"‘No! Oh my god, you did it again!’ Oh-my-god, he’s broken out the Oh-my-god! When Kai begins his blatantly-gay-lingo we know he’s ticked."
1. Chapter 1

_Rating_: K+ (for language and very colourful exploitations of homosexuality…and I mean that quite literally)

_Genre_: Humor/Friendship

_Summary_: When six teenage boys and girl need a well-deserved break from sitting around on their derrière's every day, what are they to do? …Well, take their crude and lazy selves on vacation, of course! Semi-AU, crackfic..ish. Not really, actually.

_Warnings:_ yaoi, language, and quite a bit of OOCness; gotta love it.

_Disclaimer:_ (I _always_ forget this!) I don't own beyblade or any recognisable characters. And for the record, when I wrote _By Your Side_ I didn't own it either…:)

_For Lauren, Laura, Joana, Fabia, Soph and Karyn._

_Who I dedicate this story to, with full confidence in the fact that none of them will ever read it, ever :)_

(A/N): This is the extended crackfic(ish, not really actually) of a Spain holiday for the boys…and girl :).

'What the fuck is a semi-AU?' you ask. Well, basically what it means is the main seven: Tyson, Rei, Max, Kai, Kenny, Hilary and Daichi are pretty much the same as in the series…yet, the other characters which make appearances throughout are strangers to them. So yeah, that's basically it…

There's quite a few random pairings thrown into this but they never last longer than a chapter. Oh, and there's a smidge of TyKa I suppose…but it's not obvious, just down to reader interpretation. And certainly not in this first chapter :P

The main characters aren't _really_ Hilary and Kai, just they narrate most of the chapters. Hilary has 4, Kai has 3, Rei has 2 and Max has 1. There's ten chapters in all.

The first is in Kai's POV. :D Enjoy!

* * *

_La Isla Bonita_

_By StZen_

* * *

_Day 1- The day of arrival._

Ever been handed out of the blue a very suspicious opportunity to go on vacation by someone you just know you and your friends annoy the hell out of? Well, now I can join your little club. About two weeks ago, Tyson's grandfather handed us these plane tickets and told us he'd booked us a five-day holiday in Salou, Spain. Heh, very subtle. He probably would have thrown us out the door there and then if he could. Definitely trying to get rid of his baboon of a grandson and his friends who all camp there for some reason even though they each have a home to go to. I'm the only exception to this; I don't have a particularly sweet home to go to, and yet I spend as little time with Tyson and co. as possible. Yet admittedly, the thought of wasting money makes me itch a little, and so I was unable to turn down a perfectly good plane ticket and hotel room, despite the fact that I have to share with one or two of these morons.

Morons who, of course, were ecstatic. Five days to chill out in the day and 'get down wit our bayd selves' (quote by Max-I almost tore my ears off) at night. I was already grinding my head into the wall, but that was before we heard the next bit of bloody exhilarating news.

Rei called. From his wonderful vacation in Barcelona with some childhood friend who'd decided she'd had enough of being a friend with revealing clothes and wanted him to bone her. He didn't say that, but knowing her, him…and me, what other reason could there possibly be? Anyway, he rang us up, and it went something like this…

'REEEEEEEEIIIII-' was about as far as Tyson got before I took the phone from him.

'Hey Rei, what do you want?' short and sweet, me.

'Hey Kai, I heard you and the guys are going to Salou in a couple of weeks?' how the hell he found this out, I still haven't the foggiest idea. 'Mariah's going home next week but I called the landlord and he said the apartment will be empty for another month, so I was wondering if you guys wanted to come over here for a few days and then we can all go to Salou together?'

I groaned as Tyson snatched the phone back, having heard everything because I couldn't figure out how to get the speaker phone off.

'REIWE'DLOVETOGOI'LLBOOKEARLIERPLANETICKETSANDGETYOUASPOTINTHEHOTELINSALOUBYE!'

And that was that. I could almost hear Tyson's grandfather whooping with delight. Now we stand, five days earlier than we originally planned to, in the middle of the airport while Tyson has to shell out for his suitcase being too heavy. And I'm not surprised with that massive hunk of pink plastic. It looks like barbie's mini-van…except a life-sized one. And he's managed to pack it literally to the point where it could fit almost nothing else inside. How he found so many possessions to fit in there I don't know; must have taken Hilary's belongings too because for some inexplicable reason her suitcase is the smallest. Yeah, girl, shoes, clothes, small suitcase…it doesn't add up.

She is also, apparently, the one who's brought the least money with her. What kind of girl is this?! Three guesses as to which pink-suitcase owner has brought the most…

Once Tyson's pink atrocity has finally been sent through with the rest of the cases, we walk through for the hand-luggage check (which takes much longer than it should with Hilary trying to unbuckle her complicated shoes and Max and Kenny trying in a panic to remove all the liquids from their bags- and after all that _I_ was the one who got searched! Bloody woman just wanted a grope at my ass…well, Daichi got searched too, but that must be because they thought he was hiding a grenade behind that patch on his head or something). As soon as we reach the duty-free lounge Tyson announces he wants a doughnut, and so off we all go. It's going to be a fun-filled few hours…

-x-

Having finally made it to the plane and discovered we're late for boarding, thanks to Tyson's watch, we've had to split up. But I'm not going to celebrate, because this can barely be counted as relief. What I would have liked is to be sitting next to some male model about half a plane's length away from the rest. Instead, I've got a Korean woman on my left, and Hilary on my right. Behind her is Kenny and Tyson is next to her on the other side of the miniscule aisle. Daichi and Max have had to find seats further down the plane as there simply wasn't room for them…I'm regretting being the first to enter and sit down now. But at least I'm not stuck in the aisle seats, constantly having to wave to a hyperactive blonde and monkey ten rows away, as Tyson and Hilary keep having to do every few minutes just to humour them and make them aware that they are still there.

Almost three minutes after we take off, I see a handful of peanuts fly into the air and hear quite a few disgruntled noises from people about ten rows ahead. I close my eyes and try to pretend I'm somewhere else, with different people…or better yet, no people.

'Hil,' I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up to Tyson's voice and notice my hair's stuck to my mouth. How wonderfully attractive. I dislodge the side of my face from the back of the chair and blink a few times as Hilary looks at Tyson, who's rummaging around in a frenzy. It's quite funny to watch. 'Hil, my sandwich is gone…'

Hilary looks less than amused. 'Tyson, I was sleeping!'

'No but seriously, it's disappeared!'

She sighs and I roll my eyes in turn. 'Are you sure you didn't eat it?'

'No, I'd know if I'd eaten it!'

'Will you two shut up, we're trying to sleep!' I'm not sure why I chose to include the Korean lady in my out-burst…but well, she looks as though she's been woken up by the pair aswell, so for some reason I referred to both of us.

I drift back off to sleep and wake to see that Daichi and Max have joined us, and are standing in the aisle having a conversation with Kenny and Tyson. Hilary has gone back to sleep.

'So who do you think will be the slut of the holiday?' Oh, I'm _so_ fucking glad I woke to hear this…

'My money's on you, Ty…or Rei, come to think of it…'

'Naw Max, you're definitely not one to be picky about who you-'

'Well hay, what about me?!'

'…that's cute, Daichi.'

'Fuck you guys…'

'Hey, did nobody think of Kai? Come on, he's easily the hottest one.' That is so _creepy_ considering it was Kenny who said it…I wrinkle my nose, but nobody's noticed I'm even awake yet.

'Nah, Kai's too picky. He's not like Max, he doesn't just go for anybody…'

'Oi, I don't go for _anybody_!'

'I'm thinking Rei…' Daichi puts forward. There's more mumbling and debates, and I can see this holiday is going to turn into quite a competition. Wonderful…we'll all walk out with Chlamydia. Except me, because I'm _not_ desperate. And Kenny, because he has a boyfriend. And probably Daichi, because he can't get any.

Max and Daichi are shooed back down the aisle to their seats by the air hostess, and we're landed back into temporary peace. Until…

'Hil!'

'Mhmphm?'

'Hilary!'

'Fuck Tyson, no need to shake me! Why are we whispering?'

'Hilary, the man next to me is jerking it!'

'He's _what_?!'

'Yeah, he's been going at it for like ten minutes! And I tried to ignore it but I think it's me!'

'Tyson, you are so fucking full of yourself…'

Hilary jumps about a foot in the air. 'Kai! I didn't know you were awake!'

'I wouldn't miss this excitement for the world…'

'This isn't funny, Kai! I'm seriously freaked out here! He's got a kid next to him and everything!'

'HEY, TY!' Oh god, nobody on this plane is going to get any sleep at all at this rate…

'Tyson, go talk to Max or something, he's calling your name,' Hilary replies boredly. She gets out of her seat and stretches, announcing she's going to the bathroom. As if we really needed to know that crucial piece of information.

When she leaves in search of the non-existent bathroom (yeah, I probably should have told her there isn't one- she's going to have a fun flight), I take her seat and watch Tyson get up to see Max and Daichi. Max is all but _hanging_ in the aisle, waving frantically as Tyson walks over. Daichi must have fallen asleep and he must have completed all his game-boy games or something. But as he tries to make a funny face, the air hostess pops out of nowhere and the front of her cart rams into the back of Max's head.

I lean back in my seat smugly. Justice.

The next thing I know, Hilary's back to bulldoze away my personal space. And then…a funny squelching noise.

'Oh, Hil I've found my sandwich!'

-x-

The rest of the flight went by excruciatingly slowly…for me and the poor Korean lady. I don't think I've ever seen anybody so groggy-looking in my entire life. I almost wanted to apologize on behalf of the banshees I'm unfortunately associated with. But I didn't…because I'm too cool for that.

Receiving our luggage was a real treat aswell. Our cases were some of the very last to come out, and for reasons I could not understand Max's was held back a considerably long time. For some reason, a large group of Spanish guys were falling over with laughter at Hilary trying to yank her suitcase from the conveyer-belt, but nobody batted an eyelid at Tyson falling over under the weight of his fuschia pick-up truck. The Spanish must have a weird sense of humour…

On top of all that, we had to endure a series of moans from Kenny, Daichi and Tyson, who hadn't had the sense to not wear jeans. It seems only Hilary, Kenny and Max put any thought at all into where we were travelling to…okay, scratch that, because Max's clothing choice looks as though someone threw up on an art attack, but he's dressed for the correct _climate_ at the very least.

After finally retrieving the cases, we were sent out to hail two cabs to take us to the correct flat. The place was chosen by Mariah specifically apparently, for it's good price and for being near a metro station and famous church of some kind. It's usually rented out to students apparently…must be a right palace. Anyway, Tyson, Kenny and Max launched themselves into one cab and zoomed off, leaving me to try and explain the address to the other driver, while Hilary sat complaining about the heat inside and Daichi chewed on the tire rubber.

A valuable lesson I learned once we finally got into the taxi cab…never make Hilary sit in the middle again. I thought not being next to Daichi might be a privilege, but apparently not having a window directly beside her won't stop Hilary. And so, I had her practically in my lap the whole ride, while she hang out the window like a dog 'ooh'ing and 'aah'ing at the pretty buildings and the sea. I had to spit her hair out about twenty times, while feeling the seat bounce as Daichi jumped on it from the other side. That cab driver must have charged us considerably more than he was supposed to…

Now we stand, inside the entrance to this grotty apartment building, waiting for Rei to appear…any moment now…

'REEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!' I suppose that's a good clue that he's arrived.

Sure enough, there he is. Pulling the two sets of doors to the elevator open before stepping out. Yes, that's right, he _pulled_ the doors open. Like regular doors.

'Heyy guys!' he greets, trying to hug everybody and simultaneously not be flattened…I think I'll just wait my turn.

After greetings are exchanged, he tells us that the elevator is really old (no shit, Sherlock) and only holds three or four people at once. Greatt.

He steps in first and I follow, lugging my case behind me. Hilary also charges in, insisting she goes in before anybody else. Why this is fair, I don't know, but nonetheless, she and her tiny suitcase are dragged in aswell.

'I hope the lift doesn't break…' Should I be worried about that nervous statement? …Nah!

Once we get to the top (the _very_ top), we're finally out and into the apartment, which is actually bigger than I thought it might be.

'This is the living area,' Rei dictates, before walking down a corridor. We follow. 'Down here is the kitchen, bathroom, and the two bedrooms. One of the-'

'I suppose there's only one bathroom?' Hilary asks with a minute ray of hope in her voice. As Rei nods we both sigh and try not to think in too much depth about just how awful that place will look and smell by the time the five days are over.

Rei carries on. 'This room,' he points to easily the nicest one, 'is mine, and I told Max we'd share. That back one there is for three people, and the other two can have the sofa-bed in the living room.'

'I call this room for me, Tyson and Kenny!' Hilary blurts out in one breath. Now I finally understand why she was so insistent on being the first one up here.

'Okay, so Kai you and Daichi will be in the living room...that's okay right?' Oh, _wonderful_. I get to share a bed with the red-headed primate, lucky me.

I can't intervene though because in about two seconds Hilary as moved her suitcase into the airy back room and has dumped her bag down on the double bed. Brilliant, she's basically moved in there now. She trips over the shit-brown coloured curtain trailed along the floor and the curtain rail comes dangerously close to falling on her head, before swinging back into place.

'Er, yeah, the curtain rail's broken…' Rei says a little uneasily. 'It will be fine; just don't move the curtain…'

'Tell me Rei,' Hilary questions as she steps on the bed, issuing a massive _creeeak_. 'how many things in this apartment are broken or not working to their full capacity?'

Rei looks thoughtful and begins to silently count on his fingers. Hilary's left eye twitches a little. Meanwhile, I've just heard 'YO, REI DAWG!' from the living room and my eye's itching to do a bit of twitching itself…

'Er…the curtain rail, the television, the lock on the bathroom door, the washing machine, the fridge, the oven-'

'The fridge and the oven don't work?!' Enter Tyson.

'No no, they do!...Just, a little…slowly?' Rei finishes sheepishly. 'Look, Mariah said this was the best she could get for the money she had…'

'Tyson, I called this room and us and Kenny.'

'Groovy, I get the single bed!' Yes, Tyson, I believe that was the idea. Something tells me Hil would rather be beside someone who would fit in the gap between the bed and the wall, than someone who would kick and snore and be quite literally _pouring_ over the sides of the wafer-thin mattress. 'Er, Rei there's no pillow…'

'Yeah, you'll have to use the cushions from the sofa..Hilary and Kenny will have to share one.'

'We're here!' Oh look at that, the other three have arrived. Looks like Tyson had to take the lift himself with that bloody suitcase, now taking up the entire floor space in the room. Hilary's definitely going to regret insisting she share a room with Tyson, that's for sure…

-x-

You join us on the beach. Yeah, after we lounged around for a few minutes and some of us changed our clothes, we decided to hit the nearest bus terminal and get down for some sun n' sand (not that we'd really need the beach for that, because the balcony provides us with a lot of both). I'm sat on the edge of a blanket of multi-coloured towels, it would seem, as for some reason everybody except me decided to go for the stupidest one they had in their home. Except Tyson…his has a picture of him on it. He apparently got it made for him. I think it's the creepiest shit ever, personally.

So, we are catching the rays. Tyson's positively _drooling_ over some guy who's walked over to advertise a club, Max is actually listening to what the man is saying, Kenny and Daichi have fallen asleep, and Rei has been complaining endlessly to Hilary for the past few minutes about how annoying Mariah was during their holiday…ending _every_ single complaint with 'but she's actually a really nice girl…'

I sit up and catch the words of the guy who's now handing Tyson a small card. Tyson takes it without altering his gaze from the man's chest…how embarrassing.

'Liquid's open on Tuesdays and Thursdays,' he's saying, 'and this Tuesday we have a foam night!'

'Awesome!' that's got Maxie hooked. But I'm a little hesitant on this idea…

'Erm, no, I mean..I'd rather not…'

'Why not, Kai?' great, that pulled Tyson's attention away. Now everyone's looking at me. Ah fuck, I have to just say it. '…foam irritates my skin.'

What?! You think I want to walk around the rest of my holiday with red bumps over my fine skin? Think again!

'Well, we'll take your card anyway and definitely come another time!' Max beams, snatching the card from Tyson, who doesn't even notice and keeps his hand out in the same position it was in when he took it. The man smiles and walks away.

Tyson snaps out of his trance. 'Oh my _god_! Did you see that guy?!'

No, Tyson. Of course not. We were all talking to thin air and assumed that's what you were ogling at this whole time too. What a moron.

After a good half-hour wait for the bus which supposedly arrives every ten minutes, we finally reach the apartment again (almost regretfully), and three at a time we take the elevator up to our over-heated hell. I'm beginning to reconsider my grandfather's mansion…

Of course, the first thing Daichi does is run head-long into the sofa bed. But because he weighs so little, the thing doesn't move, whereas when I perch myself on the end of it the whole thing almost topples over. And of course, gravity ensures that the red-head ploughs straight into my back, knocking me promptly to the floor.

Yes…this is going to be just peachy.

* * *

_Day 2- The day of mass purchase._

After a night of continuously being kicked in the back by the ape I got stuck sharing a bed with, five of us are gathered around the table on the balcony to decide what we're going to be needing for nourishment. My suggestion of 'the bare minimum' seemingly fell on deaf ears, as unfortunately we have Tyson with us. I'm not sure where Max and the monkey are, probably fighting for the shower or something.

Rei has gone into hypo-organization mode and has with him a large note pad and biro pen. He's poised as though refereeing a wrestling match, and the rest of us are just staring at him rather blankly.

'Right,' he begins, taking the lid off the pen. 'the shop's just down the road so we need to discuss what we're buying.'

Tyson opens his mouth to begin his extended list on all the foods in the entire world, but Hilary quickly averts him by slapping her hand across it.

'I thought we could do a day plan,' Rei states, ignoring the skirmish which is taking place on the other side of the table. He begins to draw out a table and write the days of the week at the top and the meal times down the side. 'We'll decide what we'll eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner each day. Then,' he ignores all the space he has left over on the page and tears out more paper. 'Then, we'll write down what evenings we'll be eating out and where we're going,'

He continues to write days of the week and Tyson stares at him blankly, clearly wishing he were amidst the fun fight for the shower but knowing that because this is food, it's something he has to be present for. Hilary looks as though she's desperately trying to keep up and Kenny's remained silent up until now, clearly proud that somebody else is taking the initiative. I don't think I'm far off, because he's got the 'our little Rei is all grown up!' look about him.

As Rei continues to cross out certain squares in his table and mutter to himself 'yes, Thursday will be out…greek restaurant down the road…in for the next lunch…sardines…' and whatever else he's babbling about, a distant thud is heard and the slamming of a door. Following that is several more thuds and Daichi's screeching. I'm assuming this shower fight has been won by the blonde.

'Er, Rei,' Hilary timidly raises her hand. Rei looks up in mid-scrawl. 'Erm, isn't this maybe a little…difficult?' she squeaks. 'Considering, well, we don't know at this point in time when we're going out, and so it will be impossible to decide what we'll eat and when…'

Rei stares at her for a second, before pushing his graph aside and ripping out more paper. 'Yeah, okay. This is easier, we'll just write a list.'

Hilary sinks back in relief and we all breathe a little easier as the other two papers are cast aside.

'How should we do this?' Rei wonders aloud, writing his name on the paper in what looks like a doodle. Narcissistic bastard… 'We could have a list of foods each, and then…no,' he pauses in the middle of my name and scrunches the whole thing up, chucking it over the balcony (I'm not sure if it was an accident or not) and ripping more paper. 'No, we'll just write a general list.'

The other three are now looking over the balcony to see if the paper has hit anybody, but Mother Rei presses on. 'We'll sort it out like this,' he dictates, 'break…' he spells the word breakfast wrong and promptly produces another sheet of paper. 'Breakfast, lunch, dinner and drinks.'

'Rei, stop wasting paper!' Hilary cries, quite aghast.

Rei's not listening, and shoves some of the many sheets out of his way to give him more room to write. Once he's finally written all he wanted in writing so illegible he may as well have left the word 'breakfast' spelt incorrectly, he finally looks up for our opinions.

Tyson opens his mouth again.

'Can I write?' Hilary interrupts.

'No,' Rei shoots her down sharply. 'I want to write.'

'But you can't even-!' Hilary flares up, ready to spit fire at anybody who threatens her identity as the scary and feminine one.

'AHH! DAICHI!!!' And from the sound of it, somebody has discovered that the lock on the bathroom door no longer works.

Tyson breaks the small silence with '…bread?'

Rei nods his head approvingly like a primary school teacher. 'Good,' he says, writing it in the breakfast section. 'Bread and…eggs, would you say?'

'If we're going to have this fucking debate over every item we decide to buy, I'm going to throw _myself_ off the balcony.'

At least my small threat hurries them up. Before long, we have most things sorted, not going too far overboard I'm relieved to see, in case we do decide to go out. Having attempted to locate his paper with the restaurants written on and failed to find it, Rei has torn another and is making a rough estimation of how many times we'll be going out, realistically. There is now paper all over the table and somehow a neat pile has formed in my lap. I absent-mindedly flick through it as we continue with The Great Food Debate, and find several sheets with one word written on them, some with only a scribble, and a stupid drawing of a stick woman in an apron with 'Rei' written over the top, clearly drawn by Tyson. There's also an arrow pointing from the name to the stick drawing, as though one might be confused as to what on that otherwise-blank piece of lined paper could possibly be-

'Watermelon!' That exclamation brings me out of my reverie quite nicely.

Hilary raises an eyebrow, 'Tyson, what the fuck do we need a watermelon for?!'

'I'll eat it!' he insists, 'I love watermelon!'

Hilary, Kenny and I groan but Rei's actually writing it down in the breakfast section. 'Seeing as we're getting fruit,' he suggests, scanning the list, 'I think apples might be a good idea…or bananas?'

'I only eat green ones,' Hilary cuts in, again looking a little nervous and like she's regretted ever opening her mouth. I sort of know what she means; Rei and Tyson are quite scary to deal with when discussing food.

'Oh, gross!' I don't believe it…we've found something you can put in your mouth which Tyson _doesn't_ like…okay, that sounded really dodgy. But honestly, you wouldn't think he of all people would be so picky about banana colour…figures he has to oppose Hilary in this matter.

'Look, we'll get green and I'll have some too,' Rei ignores Tyson's wails of protest and scribbles it down on the paper. The discussion continues for a few minutes on what sort of cereal we'll all want to eat, when Rei's eyes are suddenly torn from the many papers with an exclamation from Max which can only mean trouble.

'EVERYTHING'S SOAKED!'

I massage my temple. I'm never setting foot back in there again, and they can't make me…

-x-

We set out, about two hours ago, from our apartment a mere three blocks away. No lie, literally as soon as we stepped out the door, Hilary somehow located a hand-bag shop. And everything else on the street was closed except for _that one handbag shop_! Ten minutes we sat outside in the street like a bunch of bums, all so Hilary can parade around a supermarket with her new black designer of pride which she somehow got for seventeen euros. What she now plans to do with her other three bags is beyond me, and she'll probably have to persuade Tyson to give up space in his pink minibus of a suitcase for them. Because apparently, walking through an airport with three bags is fine, but when you have _four_ you just look ridiculous.

I now stand, back to the frozen fish, cooling off a good distance away from everybody else, who are all running around like decapitated poultry trying to read the scribbles which are Rei's I-can't-be-fucked written words. I have only requested two things for our nourishment which hadn't already been stated: vodka and Pringles…yes, Pringles. Those new Pringles selects which everybody raves about because they come in a bloody bag. Why it's such a big deal, I haven't a clue; who really gives a shit if they're in a bag or a tube anyway? Like some maniac who had a fear of tubes sued them and they decided they needed to-

'There you are, Kai!' yes Maxie, well done, you've found me in my well-thought-out hiding place. You deserve a medal, blondie… 'Come on, we've finished.'

Finally.

'Tyson, get over here; we're paying.'

'Okay, lemme just…'

_Crash_. Silence.

The aisle is now littered with smashed fruit as the idiot himself attempted to stand on the railing to reach the biggest watermelon. Why the fuck are we getting a watermelon again? Well, in any case, Tyson slipped and caused a miniature fruit avalanche, now sitting with a sheepish expression on his face amongst a pool of grapefruit, rear end lodged in half of another watermelon…it's a good look for him, really.

'And the lesson we learned here today is: always wear a helmet when Tyson does…anything.' Very wise, Kenny. And if I didn't have a problem with ridiculous blue helmet-hair, I would probably take your comment more seriously. How stupid would I look with my hair all stuck to my head..? Doesn't bear thinking about.

Tyson has gathered up his watermelon and we're getting in the line to pay, our food taking up more than the entire conveyer belt even when it's all piled on top of itself in a confused heap (Max's futile attempt). As the blonde one stands by like a goal keeper with his arms out either side, ready to catch any of the items falling from the mound, I stand a good three metres away. Unfortunately, Tyson is next to me, with this fucking watermelon which is a great deal bigger than both of our heads together.

'And you really think you're going to eat that entire thing, do you?'

He scoffs, 'Of course! You think this is a waste of money,' he claims, before I can even open my mouth to state exactly that (…bastard knows me too well). 'but I think you should cast your eye over the pile of inedible green bananas we now have all because _Hilary_ doesn't like ripe ones!'

'Hey!' Oh great, I'm in the middle of the battleground. Just me, the opponents, and the watermelon…it's not looking good for my sanity. 'They're not just for me, Rei said he'd have some aswell!'

'Who decided to buy seven bags of Pringles selects?!' Kenny's shrill voice suddenly rings out. Low and behold, there they are. All seven. Like one for each day of the fucking week.

Everyone stares at Tyson who says weakly 'Kai wanted them…' I'm slightly appalled but to my surprise, everyone then nods in understanding and turns the other way! That little runt has been using my request to buy an excessive amount of Pringles selects! …Oh well, I'm not really that bothered. This way I should rightfully get at least two bags for myself.

A few minutes and an exhausted checkout-lady later, and we're all staggering from the supermarket with about six bags each. Something tells me the idiots might have bought too much food…

'Tyson!' Hilary suddenly exclaims, the only one with three bags and all in one hand as she reads the receipt, which uses up about as much paper as Rei's shopping list. 'That bloody watermelon was the most expensive thing we bought!'

-x-

You know what makes being packed into an oven of a metro station surrounded by people speaking a language you don't understand even worse? Being packed in there with the six stooges I was stuck in there with. Yes, that bloody train was about five minutes late, and when every minute counts as sixty individual plots on how to end the lives of my associates it really seems like a bloody eternity. So I had five extra minutes watching Kenny try to keep Max away from the rail tracks, hearing Tyson and Hilary's voices carrying far enough to reach the driver of the bloody train we were waiting for (perhaps this is why he took so long), and trying to ignore Daichi's constant pulling on my arm and asking if we were there yet You wouldn't think it would be difficult to grasp the concept of going nowhere if we aren't moving, but no, apparently this is like rocket science to the monkey.

But finally, the train arrived, with air conditioning ('ZOMG!' was the general reaction). And following that, an entire lifetime of traipsing round the shops in Barcelona, watching everyone around me getting all excited…okay, I got excited once too. But nobody appreciated or joined in with my excitement; they all just stood back and looked a little frightened. But it didn't faze me. I bought my elaborately detailed phoenix earring. Damn right I did. And it's fucking sexy, is what it is.

You'd think getting weighed down by bags would somehow put them off, but no, they're in Barcelona, and they're here to shop dammit! Currently dragging their purchases behind them, they're still desperately struggling on, that manic determination still on their faces despite the overflow of jewellery/comic books/brightly-coloured shirts/socks/miniature kitchen appliances (depending on who we're speaking of here).

And I walk slowly behind, almost feeling their pain in the big struggle which causes passers-by to stare and laugh. Yes, stupid tourists must be quite amusing; if I weren't a part of them I too might laugh. But instead I'm the 'emo-looking one' who's as silly-looking as the rest because I'm wearing black in this heat. Well I refused to buy shorts in any other colour, so what was I supposed to do? Nevertheless, they spare me an odd glance aswell and I keep my eyes on the ground.

This can't possibly go on much longer can it? But alas, we haven't even yet seen the dreaded- oh god there it is!

I try not to allow my eyes to even move as I catch sight of the shine of leather and the shimmer of shiny buckles to my left. Let's just hope nobody else-

'SHOES!'

Oh great, Hilary's seen them.

'No way, where?!?'

Bollocks, so has Tyson. Chances are we'll never leave the store now.

Before I know it, I've been seized by the arm and dragged inside to sit on the trying-on bench and glare at people until the two girls decide they're done. I should probably just pop over to the camping shop opposite and buy a tent, while I'm at it.

Twenty minutes later, and Hilary finally leads us from the shoe store, half-her-spending-money lighter. Tyson follows with a wide grin on his face and that's them satisfied for the rest of the day. Easy.

-x-

After our day of mass purchase on everyone's part, including mine (a badass pair of black leather pants…they shall be my badass pants. I picked them up in the woman's section but nobody seemed to have the guts to correct my 'mistake'), we are finally back in the apartment and preparing ourselves for going out to dinner. Tyson claims to have seen a tapas bar somewhere along the beach yesterday and we're about to trek out to find it. After an oh-so exhausting trip around town, we've decided we can't be fucked to go out clubbing tonight, but Rei was talking about a bar-crawl which always takes place on Tuesday, which sets us up for tomorrow night. We're actually quite fortunate he came here with Mariah first…despite having to endure his constant wining about that damn girl.

Before we went out shopping, Max assisted Rei in making a Greek salad for lunch. They were so proud of it, bless them. I should mention that now most of our ingredients have been used up; I have a feeling they planned out most of their food purchasing with only that salad lunch in mind.

'…and my last birthday, and the time we went to get our hair done together, and the trip to the mall two weeks ago, and the-'

You have joined me in the middle of Hilary having a go at Tyson. No surprises there. They're the first two ready (BIG surprise there), so they're sitting outside with glasses of newly-purchased coke and clearly having a very boring argument. Daichi is swinging from the giant umbrella…I won't ask.

'What are we talking about?' I groan, knowing I can't just sit out there in peace if Hilary's voice is cutting through my silence wall.

'I'm going through everything Tyson's been late for recently,' she responds brightly. Tyson's got his chin on the table with his hands in his hair, as though trying to pull his head off to end the torture.

I shrug, 'Tyson's late with a lot of things. Getting up…understanding jokes…learning things…'

'Hey, I resent that! Ooh, do you think the hot guy from yesterday will be on the beach?' Tyson cries out in one breath. I have to do a double-take to understand how he suddenly switched moods so quickly…it doesn't really help.

'I highly doubt that, Tyson…' Kenny's joined us now, wearing a white loose shirt which matches Hilary's dress…and is probably the same length also.

'Aw, you're no fun…'

'Don't worry Tyson, I'm sure if he is there he'll be highly impressed by your fluorescent orange t-shirt and green shorts,' Hilary's voice drips with sarcasm but it seems her comment's flown right over Tyson's head. I personally think she's trying to get him to change his clothes; and it's understandable, I'd be embarrassed too if I was her. Especially as everyone who sees us gets the first impression that they're a couple. Poor Hil…

'Okay, let's go!' Finally, Rei has finished his time-consuming task of blow-drying his unnecessary waterfall of hair. Ducking as Daichi flies over my head, I step over the threshold and lock the barred door to the balcony after the others have joined us. Time for a night of searching for cultural food…we're doomed.

Having hopped back on the air-conditioned metro train of heaven, it's been about twenty minutes and we can't find this bloody tapas bar anywhere. And Tyson has chosen this moment specifically to become a fussy eater. I'd say I just don't think he's hungry, but that's not physically possible. I think he's just doing it to spite Hilary, who's about ready to throw down her new bag and stamp her feet, which are now bare as she's removed her skimpy five-inch heeled sandals.

'Tyson will you give it up already, I'm hungry!!' That wasn't Hilary actually, that was the red-head currently hanging from poor Rei's shoulders. It seems everybody's getting famished, but Tyson's stubbornness can apparently carry him beyond regular beach cafés. And so, we traipse on…

'I shotgun the shower when we get back,' Hilary breaks the long silence with mild exhaustion.

'You can't shotgun it until you see it,' Max returns, sounding about as bored as I feel.

She flicks a hand absent-mindedly ahead to her right, 'I see one over there,'

'Well you can be the first to use _that_ fucking shower, then.'

Following that is the Kai's-pissed-off-let's-just-stop-talking silence…hmm, I like that silence. That silence should happen more often.

Twenty more minutes of walking in circles pass, until…

'FUCK IT! I'm hungry! Beach café over there, let's go!'

I suppose that bloody tapas bar was never meant to be found. Either that or Tyson did something stupid like mistake a regular restaurant for it, or see it in a different area, or a different country or something. You never know with him.

-x-

Nobody really bothered to argue when we got back to the apartment, having reached our floor in three shifts, and Hilary was allowed to charge into the bathroom before anybody could try and get there first. Not that anybody would have bothered. Except maybe Daichi…just to piss her off.

I fall back against the rock-hard sofa/my bed and close my eyes, listening to the calming breeze from outside the barred doors gently infused with the thumping bass of some Britney Spears song from Max's ipod which is enough to give my heart a separate beat. It's harmonious, believe me.

How they've found the energy is beyond me, but I now bear witness to the booty-shaking extravaganza that is Max and Tyson getting ready for bed. Neither of whom can actually dance to save their lives. I'd give them some much-needed competition, but I'm just too cool for that…and right now too tired. It's been a long and torturous day.

Hilary emerges in a towel to ask for a hairdryer. If you ask me, she's become waayy too comfortable around us over the years. Rei dashes in the bathroom after her in quite a suspicious hurry, and I suspect the chilli burger he ordered is finally catching up with him. Kenny has already retired for bed, claiming he's not feeling very well. Max and Tyson have temporarily put an end to their performance as Max searches his playlists for another song. I am left temporarily in peace, as Hilary's taking the hairdryer into her room...hm, good luck sleeping with that, Kenny.

'Ah, yeah!' Max has found a new song, and we all wait with baited breath…

'Jump on it'. Oh god, kill me now. The awful thing is, I just _know_ Tyson has that bloody beach guy on his mind when he dances and sings to this…

As the duo launch into their highly energetic dance, I'm prepared to fully instigate Strictly-Come-Murdering, but the primate beside me has decided he too needs his beauty sleep (took him long enough..). Balling his hands into fists, he lets out a horrendous screeching noise and begins to pound on the single cushion he sleeps on. In the background the hairdryer blazes from the other room, and it's almost impossible to hear the music above the unbearable bass. And yet, Max and Tyson continue to dance as though nothing is wrong.

I've had enough. Standing without a word, as I usually do in similar situations, I simply walk over and turn it off. Instantly, the dancing, the yelling, the bass, it all stops. A second later the hairdryer does too, and we're all plunged into temporarily blissful silence.

Until…

'Er, guys…the toilet's broken!'

Fuck. My. Life.

* * *

(A/N): You know what's ironic? The summary suggests that they're basically taking a vacation from basically doing nothing over-complicated but living their normal lives. Well, in a way, that's what I'm doing. I really need to finish _Love on the Catwalk_, which was a vacation fic in itself…and now it's like I'm taking a vacation from my vacation with this one! But don't worry, I'll finish that fic before I write any more of this, I swear.

So yeah, this is a small experiment…well, no, actually, _Twenty One_ was a small experiment. But I got encouraged from it so this came out :D Comedies are brilliant; there should be more of them! This is probably the least eventful chapter…so uneventful I had to put two days in it :P the rest of them are all one day/night per chapter.

For some reason, Word has capitalized the p in Pringles…I'm not too sure why, but I couldn't be assed to change it.

In the future we have continuous appearances from the watermelon, and our next chapter is in Maxie's POV! Review, and you can see it :D!


	2. Chapter 2

_Rating:_ K+

_Genre:_ Humour/Friendship

_Summary: _UNDER CONSTRUCTION.

_Warnings:_ yaoi, language, and quite a bit of OOCness.

_Disclaimer:_ don't own beyblade or any recognisable characters.

(A/N): I'm sorry it's been so long since anything was put up. And I'm especially sorry that _Do Svidanya_ couldn't be updated in February! But I swear, I'm on that next chapter before anything else! I just had to get this up first…

Chapter's a little disappointing, and not as funny as I'd have liked…but still, hopefully you'll find_ something_ mildly amusing in it! It's also the longest one, I'm pretty certain.

Also I don't think I made this clear enough in the first chapter: in this story the beyblade series never happened. This lot are just friends for some other reason, they're not a team.

And it's in Maxie's POV :D Enjoy!

* * *

_La Isla Bonita_

_By StZen_

* * *

_Day 3- The day of sight-seeing_

Ahh, what a beautiful day. As you would really expect in Barcelona in the summer. The sun is shining, the red-heads are burning, and I'm the first one awake. And we all know what that means…

Yes indeed! I can be the first to declare all-out war on the occupants of Tyson's room! TARANAMO!

I burst through my door, probably waking Rei with the amount of noise I'm making, and skid round the corner. Of course, I was expecting to be met with a door, but instead my foot is met with Kenny's suitcase.

_Smack!_

That would be my face. It's now been well acquainted with the floor. I don't believe we'd met before, though it's beginning quite the relationship with Tyson.

'Max, what are you doing?' Thanks for your concern, Hilary. Don't mind me, I'm just dandy down here. In fact, thinking about it, it's probably a good thing the door _wasn't_ closed…

'My face! Ahh!' I groan, finally feeling the pain. Man, that really smarts…

'Where are we going today?' Tyson asks sleepily, attempting to roll over but getting caught in the thin sheet and rolling off the edge, smacking his head against the wardrobe. This is not our day! 'Ah fuck, my head!'

'Guys!' Rei bursts in wearing an eye-mask (definitely a good thing the door wasn't closed), 'Why is it so dark in here? Guys, help me! I can't see! Oh shit!' he too trips over Kenny's suitcase and lands right on top of me.

'OWW!'

At that moment Daichi charges in with a baseball bat I didn't even know he had. 'What's going on, why's everyone yell- AH!' He trips over Tyson and flies into the glass door, moving the unmovable curtain and causing the entire rail to fall with a crash, narrowly missing his head.

Kenny sits up beside Hilary, rubbing his eyes, 'What are you all doing on the floor?'

Well…that was a very eventful way to begin the morning. And a painful one too.

Hilary reaches over and takes Rei's eye-mask off, while Kenny helps to untangle Tyson from the sheets. Both stand up and walk off indignantly like nothing happened, Tyson heading towards the bathroom and Rei towards the living room. I finally peel my face up from the floor and, rubbing it furiously, begin to leave the room feeling a little foolish having started that whole thing.

'You guys don't close your door?'

This was probably the wrong thing to say, because Hilary's face contorts into a huge frown, 'It's broken,' she says through her teeth. I have to laugh. Then, of course, I have to leave. So I go to get dressed and then head out to the balcony.

'…But she's actually a really nice girl…'

Oh god, on second thoughts I'll just stay inside. Kai already looks as though he's plotting ways to kill Rei and make it look like an accident; I don't want to be the one stuck out there listening to him talk about Mariah endlessly.

'Max,' Kenny approaches me, brandishing a map in my face. 'We've decided today will be our sightseeing day. We'll take a tour bus so we can get everything done at once. This, obviously, was Tyson's suggestion. I'd have _loved_ to spend days on end gazing at the cultural wonders of-'

'Bacon!' Tyson cries out from the kitchen.

No. Freakin'. Way. 'We bought bacon yesterday?!' I exclaim happily, bounding past poor Kenny and diving into the kitchen.

God bless the person who decided to buy this pork of paradise! Hm…I think I'm spending a little too much time around Tyson these days.

-x-

About an hour and a half later we're actually ready to go. Unfortunately for some of us (ie, all except Hilary I-Want-A-Tan Tatibana), today is a _lot_ hotter than yesterday. Soo, I'm definitely going to be shrivelled by this evening, and probably peeling by tomorrow.

'Alright, let's go!' Rei dictates a military fashion, standing at the door. 'It's eleven hundred hours.'

'We have to walk around Barcelona for _eleven hundred hours_?!' God, Tyson, we wouldn't do that to you; we know how exhausted you'd be after only fifteen minutes!

'We're not walking, Ty, we're taking a tour bus!' I think I sounded a little bit _too_ excited, because with every second Rei's grin gets wider, Kai's frown becomes more dangerous. But still, I love those things! They have no roofs! _No roofs_!

We all stand in a line by the door. I'm not too sure why we're in a line; probably something to do with Military Rei here. I'm in the middle of a mock salute when Hilary, who's finally joined us, notices what Tyson's wearing.

'Tyson, you can't go out in just _that_!'

Low and behold, she's actually picked up on something. Tyson is standing here beside me in a massive yellow t-shirt which reaches his knees. And as far as I can tell, that's all he's wearing. There could be briefs underneath, but you never know with Tyson. I glance down at his attire and laugh a little as though I've only just noticed it…which I have, but shh.

'Yeah Ty, go put on some shorts or something.'

'No guys, come on, we're in Barcelona!' Thanks for pointing that out Ty, but it doesn't really help your argument to tell us where we are currently located. Though I guess I should congratulate him for actually _knowing_.

'No more delays!' Rei snaps. We all jump to attention and I actually do a real salute this time. 'We want to catch a tour bus and there'll be long lines to wait in, so the longer we leave it the longer it will take.'

'To the metro!' Tyson cries, posing like a superhero with one arm out in front, and charging out the door. Of course, he can only charge a few steps before he reaches the elevator, but he charges around in circles for a few minutes until it arrives.

Then, wouldn't you know it, he misses the first elevator because he's on the other end of the hall, and has to wait for it to be sent back up. But when he and the second lot come down, we can finally set out for our long day of sight-seeing.

-x-

Forty five minutes!!!

That is how long we had to wait for a tour bus. Forty five minutes of standing in line. When Rei said the lines would be long, I thought he was just trying to scare us! Or keep Tyson from getting dressed because he secretly wants to gawk at his legs all day, or something. I had no idea it would actually take that long! Plus, having been scarred for life, the last thing I want to do is stand around in the baking sun.

(Why were you scarred for life, Max?) Well I'll tell you! Turns out, Tyson isn't wearing briefs. Or boxers. Or anything. Want to know how I know this? (Yes please, Max!) Well I'll tell you! In fact I'll spell it out: street, Tyson, massive air vent we all managed to avoid except for Tyson, yellow shirt around Tyson's ears. It was like Marilyn Monroe except so much less graceful and extremely off-putting.

But nonetheless, we're on the tour bus now. On the top!! Where there's _no roof_!! …Okay, I'll stop with that now. I fought until Rei would let me sit on the edge, so he's beside me in the aisle seat, watching me closely (which is probably wise because I am leaning quite dangerously over the edge of the bus…). Hilary and Kai are sitting behind us, which is definitely a good thing because Hilary's excessive urge to take pictures of everything is annoying the hell out of Kai and the other two, who are sat behind them. Because there's seven of us, one would have to sit by himself. But fortunately, that's not a problem, because Tyson's dancing down the aisle trying to engage the other passengers in a round of 'Single Ladies'.

'_If you like it then you should'a put a ring on it! If you like it then you should-_'

'Could the young man dancing on the upper deck please return to his seat? People are complaining that they can't hear the tour,' the announcer's voice sounds out through everyone's headphones.

I, however, have neglected the headphones. The wire was too short anyway; it required I stay in my seat! (God forbid!) So I've decided to join Tyson, who's still dancing, in belting out a good song.

'S_omeone, call the doctor_!' I cry out, standing up. Rei looks absolutely appalled.

'_Got a case of a love bi-polar_!' Half the bus chants back. Ah! Tyson just has to know how to pick the right song…

After a few stops we decide to get off for our first destination. All other passengers heave sighs of relief. I'm not sure what it is; Rei and Kenny picked all the places we're going to get off. I think it's some sort of famous garden.

Oh crap…don't tell me we have to walk up that humungous hill to get there…thanks a bunch, guys.

'Go on without me!' Tyson cries after about ten steps. 'I can't go on any further! Its power is too great!'

'For fucks sake Tyson, get up!' If there's anyone who can make Tyson jump up faster than lightning, it's Kai. Especially with that scary voice which is only ever used with Tyson anyway.

As soon as we get to the top, Kai and Kenny trail off to be in the shade. Hilary takes about ten more pictures of us in front of various things and with random locals, Tyson catches his breath after walking the whole way up the hill by himself (we're all very proud), we all count our blessings that Kenny's walked off to give his lectures to Kai instead of us, Rei forces Hilary and I to apply more sun cream (much to Hilary's chagrin as it's sun factor 60), and finally we make our way into the gardens.

It's funny, normally you'd expect a garden to contain plants and flowers. This on the other hand seems to be a garden of concrete, as all I see is a two-story courtyard with pretty fountains and a wonderful view (as there should be seeing as we pretty much climbed Fuji to get up here!). It's _pretty_ and everything, but I wouldn't call it a garden…

We take about a hundred photos here before going back to find Kai and Kenny. I don't know why the princesses even bothered to come if all they would do is sit in the shade and not actually look at anything. In fact I'm surprised Kai didn't decide to stay at the apartment, or Beywatch it up on the beach, or go shopping for those exotic porn movies we know he secretly loves. I guess he decided hanging out to yell at us would be a better idea. He must be more angry than horny today…which is a little too much information, but good to know.

-x-

'Let's get off here!'

'Why, Tyson? This is just a street…'

'There's a mall nearby!'

'Huh, shoes, what?' Hilary snaps out of a trance at the dreaded word. I suppose this now means we're going to the freakin' mall…

So far we've been to the concrete gardens (as I've officially named them), the football stadium which only Ty and I were even vaguely excited about, and some cathedral we got kicked out of because Daichi and Tyson decided it was an appropriate time to be 8 years old and play spy games. Those people did seem pretty annoyed at the constant accusations of being Russian spies (Kai wasn't too amused either, seeing as he actually is. Russian, that is, not a spy).

'Wow, Kenny what's this place we're in? It's huuuge!'

'Daichi, we're back outside…'

After fifteen minutes of wandering we've concluded that either the map's lying to us, or we're just not going to find this stupid mall. So, of course, in our boredom Tyson and I are running around with our arms out like airplanes. Daichi's trying to join in but Hilary has his wrist in a firm grip.

'Will you morons just behave?!'

'AHH! RETREAT, MAX, RETREAT!!'

'I can't Tyson! He's got me! NOOOOOO-!'

'You guys are so fucking embarrassing!' Hilary exclaims, hiding her face. Except, we'll never see any of these people again, so I'm not sure why she's hiding.

'_They're not gonna get us_!' Tyson sings out, still running around with Rei hot on his heels, while I struggle desperately (and pathetically unsuccessfully) to release myself from Kai's grip.

'Argh! Tyson!!'

'…Well they're not!' Tyson innocently defends himself, before finally being caught.

Kai frowns and lets my collar go when I stop struggling. 'Can't wait for this day to be over…' I know what that means! That means Kai wants the bar-crawl to hurry up and get here. Oh yes, you can't tell from his expression and that vein popping by his temple, but he's as excited for tonight as I was for the roof-less tour bus to arrive. But without so much enthusiasm, because seeing Kai express such zest would give us nightmares for months.

I'm going to explain something about Kai, and the reason he gets sick of being around us too much. It's not because he doesn't like us, oh no, we know he does really. It's because we force him to be responsible, and care for other people other than himself. See, we all have things we look for in other people, especially guys because, you know, we're poofs (well, the males are). Tyson looks for looks mainly, Hilary goes for confidence, Kenny likes them shy, Daichi will take anyone (oh yeah, don't think that just because we're talking about the guy who fractured his ass doing a cannon-ball into the bath that he's too immature to go for a guy, he's not), and I'm not too fussy either to be honest. But while Rei looks for someone he can take care of, Kai would prefer someone take care of him. Oh yes, I bet you didn't know that before. Mr Independent wants a devoting sugar-daddy! (Cue suggestive eyebrow-waggling).

See, that's the thing about us you might have noticed; we're all ukes. And that includes Kai, who in our group would appear to be Captain Seme, but in reality he isn't. Actually, even Hilary's probably more seme than Kai is! But he resents being thought of as one. Because of this he can't often find the type of guy he wants, so he doesn't get much, which is slightly picky, but I won't complain. At least he's not like Tyson. Man, these days putting a dick in Tyson's ass is like throwing a pencil down a hall-way!

Well that was a bloody long explanation. I'm tired out now…and thank god too because the bus is back. Hopefully Tyson won't decide to continue his game of I-spy. I'm all for games, but that one's just tedious.

-x-

We get off next about half a mile away from a massive and famous art gallery. The building looks beautiful too, from what I can actually see of it. But this is where the road ends; the rest of it is just a drive-way with a river in the middle. At least, that's what it seems like.

'In my humble opinion,' Tyson begins, making us all aware that something extremely superficial is about to be voiced, 'they should tear this place down and replace it with something more appealing to the modern world…like a water-park!'

Hilary pouts, 'Tyson, I don't like your opinions.'

'Yeah well I don't like your nose.' Man, Ty may not be Einstein, but he sure is an expert at offending girls. All guys want that ability really, but not being straight means that those petty 'feelings' don't get in the way of prime insult-time. That's true, honest!

'What's wrong with my nose?!'

Pity this is the only thing he's good at, really…

We finally reach the main building, after a half-hour long walk and numerous flights of stairs and escalators (this is the first time ever I've seen escalators outside. It was weird!)…only to realise that we need to buy tickets to get in. Which makes sense really; I don't know why we all assumed it would be free. But nevertheless, we can't be assed, so we head out to our final destination instead.

'My feeeeeeet,' Kenny groans, taking off his flip-flops and nursing his blisters on the stairs.

'Don't complain; at least you're not in stilettos!'

'Yeah but those would obviously hurt! Flip flops aren't supposed to give blisters!'

'You guys should've worn proper shoes like me.'

'Yeah but Kai, it's too hot! Your feet have probably disintegrated without you noticing!'

'Bare-foot is the way to go!'

'We aren't all Neanderthals, Daichi…'

'My pumps are ideal in this sort of weather; no blisters, no heels, and they're nice and cool.'

'Yeah Rei, except we don't all want to look like a girl!'

'I don't look like a girl!!'

'May I ask why we're all trying to advertise our shoes?' For once in his entire life, Tyson has raised a valid point. 'Especially as nothing on this planet can beat my awesome _blister-free_ flip-flops, baby!' Ah, nevermind.

We hop back on the bus to bother some more people, and get off once again at a cable car. I have no idea where this cable car is going to take us, but I'm quite glad this is the final destination before going back to the apartment, because it's four in the afternoon and I think we'd all like to rest indoors for a little while before we eat and go out for the bar-crawl.

We've just reached the end of the line when Hilary approaches us, 'Guys, Daichi's bordering on full-on tantrum mode, so I think I'll take him back to the apartment.'

'For fucks sake I can get back by myself!' is heard in the background, amidst a chorus of gasps.

'…well, I want to go back anyway. I think I might have burned my shoulder-blades…'

'I told you you should wear more su-'

'Alright!' Tyson and his glee interrupts Rei's gloating, punching his fist in the air. Hilary looks a little affronted, not surprisingly. 'Come on guys, the original 5 together again! Thanks for taking him Hil, we'll see you guys back at-'

'I'm going with them.'

'…BUT KAAAAAIIIII-'

'Tyson for gods sake stop yelling! You guys do this cable car thing, I'll go back with Hilary and Daichi. We'll see you there.'

So the three of them leave. And I'm left standing with a heart-broken Tyson ('How could he just _abandon_ us like that?!'), a far-too-interested Kenny ('This cable car is going to lead us to the historic sight of…blahblahblah…'), and a hyperventilating Rei ('She didn't take the sun-cream! _She didn't take the sun cream_!!').

We're halfway up in the cable car when Kenny suddenly remembers something. 'Oh, we should call Kai and ask them to buy the alcohol on their way back. That'll save us doing it.'

'Good idea, chief!' Tyson whips out his phone and punches in the number. How does he know Kai's cell number by heart? I don't even know my own number! Heck, I have difficulty remembering my _house_ number!

The tune of 'Soulja Boy' rings out through my pocket. I dig into it and pull out, to all of our surprise, the black phone we're trying to call.

'Max,' asks Rei, all of us just watching it ring in my hand. 'Why do you have Kai's phone?'

'…I have no idea.'

Tyson ends the call. 'Ookay, we'll try Hilary,' he punches in the number (which he also knows-how?!) and after a few rings she picks up. Tyson tells her to buy the alcohol on their way back and she agrees. For a few minutes the rest of us stand there admiring the view, until Rei breaks the silence.

'…Why does Kai have 'Soulja Boy' as his ringtone?'

-x-

Rei and I walk through the apartment door to be met with, other than a huge wave of heat as we step over the threshold, the sight of a cleaned and cooled Hilary, Kai and Daichi. Getting a whiff of myself, I must say I'm a little jealous. Daichi is (surprise, surprise) asleep, and Hilary and Kai are digging into the Pringles selects, trying to watch The Simpsons en Espanol on the fuzzing television. I say television, but what I really mean is a tiny plastic box, the same yellow colour as my hair, with a 5x5 static screen. I'm not joking: it's seriously yellow. The Simpsons actually looks quite good playing on it.

'Home honey, I'm high!' Enter Tyson, a loud sniff to accompany his announced entrance. He appears to have magically developed a cold on our day out. Only Tyson could manage that on the hottest day we've ever lived through.

'Shower!' Rei shoots off like a bullet and is halfway down the corridor before I've even moved. I suppose he correctly assumed that Tyson's arrival would mean survival of the fittest.

'I think Homer said… "Meet your brother in the dryer, Bart"' Hilary says slowly, all concentration on the buzzing screen, 'but I'm not sure what brother they're talking about, or why he would be in a dryer…'

Kai looks as though he's just lost the will to live.

-x-

'Do you think I should go for the blue shirt tonight? Or perhaps red…or gold!'

'Tyson for fuck's sake you're not a rapper! Why the hell do you have a gold shirt anyway?'

'I don't know, it just seemed like such a good idea at the time…'

I'm now perched on Hilary and Kenny's camp bed, where creaks are not out of the ordinary, and at some point it _will_ feel like a stray spring is lodging itself into your ass. I kid you not. Anyway, Kai's in here too for some reason, probably because Daichi's yelling at Rei in the other room, who's trying to cook pasta. What Daichi's yelling about I have no idea but I caught the words 'scrambled', 'Mary' (whoever she is), 'lemonade' and 'storm trooper' in his outburst. He is also yelling through the door because Rei's one of those peculiar people who can't cook when other people are in the kitchen. Anyway, I digest…The point is, Kai's in here with us. Hilary's painting her toenails red with Kai's nail polish and Tyson's trying to find an outfit for tonight, while blowing his nose for the umpteenth time.

Umpteenth is such an irritating word. It's something teachers used to say when you've talked back to them, or said something to make them look stupid, or sneezed loudly and made them jump, for the _umpteenth time_. I'm probably one of the only people who get irritated by it, and yet I still say it, apparently…all logic is defied once again in the brain of Max.

Tyson, with difficulty, rises from the bed and plods across the room, tripping over Kenny's suitcase (for the _umpteenth_ time!) in the permanently-open doorway. Kai shuffles a little and looks curiously at the bed beneath him. A-ha! The stray springs have got him too! I give a triumphant look and he glares at me as though it's all somehow my fault.

'I'm going for a shower…' Tyson announces groggily, before issuing a lovely loud mucusy sniff.

'Oh, Tyson can I come in while you're in there and quickly wash my feet in the bidet?' That's become quite common, actually. The floor of this apartment, especially the balcony, is so filthy we have become accustomed to permanently black feet. Most of us walk around in flip-flops for this reason.

'Sure, Hil, just wait a couple of minutes before you come in…oh, and can you bring my towel?' The Tyson-Towel is sitting beside Hilary on the table, and I have to side with him and truthfully state it would take a considerable effort to go over and get it, what with three suitcases to trip over on the way. We don't want a repeat of this morning, after all. Hilary nods and continues to paint her toenails, constantly pushing back the swivel chair which keeps spinning slowly to the right, as though we're all on a slope.

Tyson leaves the room and for a few minutes nobody says anything.

'DAICHI IF YOU DON'T GO AWAY YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY PASTA!' Nuclear Rei has finally exploded.

'I like cheese…' I had to break the silence. Kai groans and storms into the livingroom, almost flattening Daichi on the way. He's acting more irritated than usual today; Snow White probably got sun-stroke or something. Hilary's finished her toenails and is now shaking her foot about in an awkward attempt to dry them. Why doesn't she just use the hairdryer…?

After a few minutes she suddenly jumps up from the orange chair, which cracks without warning and one of the plastic arms falls to the floor. She doesn't seem to have noticed. 'Oh, I was going to the bathroom!' she suddenly remembers and grabs Tyson's towel as she walks out.

I'm left in the room alone. I hear the sound of her padding feet ('No I will _not_ wear flipflops, do you know how _filthy_ they'd become?! They _designer_ you know!') against the floor I smacked my face on this morning. The next thing I hear is the door open, followed by a unified chorus of…

'AAHHHHHHH!!!'

Yeah…I thought it had been a couple of minutes now since I heard the shower stop running…

I launch myself from the bed and, jumping over two suitcases in one leap, charge into the hall. Hilary's standing against the bathroom door, Tyson's towel still clutched in her hand, looking as though she just walked in on Kai pleasuring himself to that magazine again.

'Hilary…' Tyson's voice sounds awkwardly through the door. 'Can I please have my towel? I don't like standing here without anything covering me up…'

Without another word, Hilary opens the door a fraction and throws the thing inside, closing it again behind her with that same expression on her face. We both suddenly start to giggle, and Kai's laughter can be heard echoing through the halls as he's guessed what must have happened. Yeah, you read that right. Kai's laughter. Not just his sexy chuckle either, that scary and slightly demonic laugh he does when he finds something _really_ funny. Like…if he had just defeated us in some sort of epic battle on a frozen lake in the middle of Russia, having been possessed by some evil spirit in the form of a bird…That's never actually happened, mind you, but if it did, he would laugh just like that.

…I have this set out like a comic book in my mind right now. It's quite exciting. Then, when everyone thinks they're doomed, I'd jump out from a passing airplane to save the day and-

I just realised I called Kai's chuckle sexy. That's a little bit odd isn't it.

'Dinner's ready!' Rei's call puts an end to my gravy train of thought and before any of us can even move, a blur of wind in a towel shoots by us and the bathroom door swings back after it. Hilary and I stare at eachother to make sure neither of us are mortally wounded before making our way out to the balcony. On our way I peer into the kitchen and see the giant pan practically over-flowing with penne pasta. Four empty packets lie beside the pan, next to the dish cloth and stack of dirty plates from the Greek salad we ate yesterday. Its already beginning to look a little nasty in there, but I can tell you now that this is only a prerequisite… yes, a four-syllable word. This really does mean trouble.

I join everyone on the balcony and slip myself between Kenny and Tyson, who's still sitting in his towel. It's a good thing we're so high up nobody in the world can see us right now. Rei's proudly placing a bowl of pasta in front of Daichi, who's wrinkling his nose at the concoction as though it came out of Mother Rei's rear end.

'Erm, Rei that was an awful lot of food in there…' Hilary seems to be the only one ever brave enough to speak out against him when he's like this. 'Do you really think we'll eat all that pasta?'

'Of course, we'll just put it in the fridge and eat it to-'

'I thought you said the fridge didn't work very well.' Kai states in a monotone without looking up from his lap. Rei's expression hardens as he realises Kai's right. Nobody bothers to say anything else and we all sit down and awkwardly enjoy our pasta, making a point of not looking up, and especially not looking at Rei.

Well, some of us do. 'I don't like it!'

'Well nobody said you have to eat it, monkey boy! I'll take your helping and everything else in the kitchen!'

'If you could take the watermelon it would do us all a favour…' Kenny mutters.

'Tyson, have you _seen_ how much pasta's in that pan? I mean, really, it's quite unreal.' I begin a highly exaggerated monologue on just how much pasta there is in there, which goes on for quite a few minutes. Tyson looks more and more terrified as I go on, and Kai looks more and more apathetic (if that's even possible). I'm just launching into my comparison between the masses of carbohydrate and the population of China, when Rei suddenly stands up.

'Alright!' he snaps. 'Alright, alright! I'll fix it okay! I'll fix it!' He looks quite frantic as he dashes through the balcony door and races to the kitchen. Was it because I insulted his cooking miscalculations or the number of people in his country…? And more importantly, which of the two is he going to attempt to fix? In any case, I sigh and get up to follow, Kai after me looking as though he can't believe he agreed to babysit a group of six toddler maniacs in a foreign country.

We arrive in the kitchen to find Rei standing on the counter in a panic, seizing hand-fulls of pasta and throwing them out the tiny window. I do the worst possible thing at a time like this and start to laugh, but Kai actually makes his way into the kitchen, almost stumbling over the watermelon as he walks calmly towards Rei.

'Rei,' he says gently, in a scarily calm voice, as though he's done this a million times before. 'Leave the pan, we'll sort it out later. Just come back and eat and we'll duct tape Max's mouth shut.' Oh, cheers Kai.

We get back to the balcony to find that nobody's resumed eating. They're all looking at us with concern instead, so I just sit down like nothing happened and continue to eat. Sooner or later, they all do the same and Rei carries on with conversation as though nothing out of the ordinary ever occurred.

Once dinner's been finished, we leave our plates out on the balcony table with promises we'll pick them up later on, and begin our rush to get ready to leave for the bar crawl. Rei's mighty casual about it considering I'm sure he said it's starting in half an hour. In that time we have to finish getting ready, Daichi needs to shower, Kenny needs to blow-dry his hair, Hilary needs to decide between her top five outfits, Rei needs to give everyone a hard time about the mess we're making, Ty and I need to dance to at least three more songs and we need to begin drinking. On top of that, we actually have to get to the metro and make our way down there. Kai and Hilary picked up the alcohol when they left the tour early, so we have a collection of vodka, malibu and everything else girls and gays drink before going out.

I manage to complete my outfit in peace, seeing as _our_ door actually closes, and stand back to admire myself in the mirror (seeing as _our _mirror doesn't make us look deformed). We decided to save our best outfits for the club Liquid that we're going to on Thursday, which helped us all except Hilary with the decision of what to wear. I went for the thin black shirt with short sleeves and tight jeans to match. I'll probably end up dying of heat stroke, but right about now I think I look pretty damn good…

…Or emo…

Tyson greets me on the way to the living room as I walk out the door, in a white shirt somewhat similar to mine. Hilary's voice calls from behind him, 'Tyson that shirt is _so_ see-through!'

'Thanks!' Tyson beams. Hilary raises an eyebrow.

'You're taking it as a compliment?'

'Well…I did pay for it.' And before Hilary can say anything more, Tyson's bounded off to the livingroom, where Daichi can be seen bouncing on the sofa, clearly ignoring the fact that Kai is simultaneously trying to lie on it in peace.

'You look nice, Max.'

'Thanks Hil, so do you.' I state without even looking at her. It doesn't really matter anyway, at least I _said_ it.

Everybody's already drinking on the balcony by the time I get there, and I'm relieved to see the plates have been taken in. Kenny pours me some vodka and mixes it with the Coke Zero he's been drinking. A mix of coke zero and vodka with a ratio of 1:17. Kenny knows me so well…

'Yo Maxie, let's get down to 'Just Dance'!' Tyson hollers from the living room. Wellll, that was a good two sips of my drink, but it's time to put everything on hold for the unstoppable waves that make my body move in ways I didn't believe possible. Oh yes, it's hot stuff.

A couple of others actually follow as I dive head-first through the balcony door and plunge into the three-foot circle around Tyson saved for intimate dancing space. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing intimate whatsoever between me and Ty…we just like to dance like whores. As all good gays do on holiday.

'Tyson, what the hell is _that_?' Kai snorts from the sidelines. Hilary and Rei have now joined us but they've actually got a small distance between them.

'It...it's my move!' Tyson gasps, greatly offended.

Kai shakes his head and walks over, smiling uncharacteristically and almost shoving me out of the way. 'Let me show you…'

He stands behind Tyson and takes hold of the poor guy's waist before starting to move to the rhythm. I say 'the poor guy' because he looks as though he's torn between being terrified of what's happening to him, and devastated at learning that his special move doesn't actually look so great.

So while they're at it, I've officially lost my dance partner. And just as 'I Kissed a Girl' comes on! Man, that's our jam! Especially as we've both kissed girls and neither of us have liked it. We always laughed at the irony…

I'm talking like Tyson's died so I'll stop being so dramatic and go join the slut-bag brunette and her mother. I love my friends, I really do!

'_I kissed a Hil and I threw up…_' Rei sings loudly and so far out of tune he'll never find his way back. Huh, I hadn't realised just how many drinks he's had… _'the thought of her freaky elephant thong fantasies…'_ It really is impossible to fit that sentence into a 7 or 8 syllable space.

'Rei!' Hilary's positively fuming. 'You jackass, you read my diary!'

Everything suddenly stops. Except for the music, but even that seems to have suddenly quietened down. Hilary looks like she suddenly wants to die.

Tyson breaks the silence. 'Ho-ho! Elephant thongs? Your wish is Kai's lunch Hil!'

And after that very odd statement he bounds off. I think I speak for everyone here when I say I am genuinely worried about what might re-emerge from the hallway.

Oh why am I not surprised? Having thrown off the outfit he only put on about ten minutes ago, Tyson now stands in the hallway wearing nothing but...yep, you've guessed it.

Rei throws his hand dramatically over his eyes, rearing back like he's going to faint. Kenny and Daichi, who have only just walked in from the balcony, swiftly turn on their heels and walk back out again. Kai rolls his eyes and turns the other way, while Hilary and I are both clearly wondering why Tyson happens to have an elephant thong with him in the first place.

Or, maybe it was just me wondering that. 'Tyson,' Hilary asks awkwardly. 'What…why does it look so weird?'

Tyson grins 'Oh, I stuffed a couple of the bananas in there.' That's…normal. That thing must be seriously stretchy.

Kai decides he needs to express his opinion on this. 'Well, I didn't believe it possible Tyson could do something as fucked up as his dance move, but apparently-…'

'_My green bananas_!?!' Hilary's about to have an apoplexy.

'Makes it bigger! Besides, you haven't even touched them yet!'

'I wasn't hungry this morning! I said I'll eat them!'

'We're only here for two more days!'

'Well you didn't have to-'

'OH MY GODZ!' Rei cries out, making me wonder what could possibly be worth that reaction after seeing _this_ display in front of us. 'The Bar Crawl started already! Come on we have to go, Tyson for fuck's sake get dressed!'

For the next five minutes it takes before we set out, Rei literally doesn't stop yelling. I don't think he even takes a breath. And after almost leaving the barred balcony doors open, forgetting to switch the light off in the bathroom, leaving our money in the drawer (Daichi), and pulling Kai off Tyson after a certain elephant thong somehow ended up on his head, we are finally ready to head off for the bar crawl we were supposed to arrive at ten minutes ago.

-x-

We were late. Obviously; that much was inevitable. But we were _so_ freakin' late that we missed the first bar, and had to ask for directions to the second one. After wandering the back allies of the shops we went to yesterday, we finally located the second bar and tried to settle in there.

So far, not so great really. It's an odd sort of place; you walk into thin long room with two bars down either side and headphones attached to the wall which you can put on to listen to music, even though there's already music playing! So fucking strange… Anyway, we're in the larger room behind, three of us squashed in a one-person space on one of the couches while Hilary and Tyson check out a cocky-looking blonde in a sports jacket and baseball cap. Looks like a right tosser to me, but he actually is pretty hot…

It's very packed in here and I sort of have the urge to go back outside until the group moves on. I should probably wait for the others though. Kai's grabbing a couple of drinks and Rei's busying himself with nagging the bouncer until he lets Kenny and Daichi in without a fuss. Meanwhile the music's not great, there's way too many people for such a small space, and listening to Hilary and Tyson both checking out the same person is a little bit disturbing to me.

'Mmm, check out those arms!'

'Uhh, that camel-toe!'

At the risk of sounding like a six-year-old girl…ewww, Tyson!

Thank god Kai's returned, drinks for all four of us in his arms. I get the feeling I'm going to severely need this…

We all down our drinks and decide to get up from the couch and wander around a bit. Rei and Daichi walk past us on the way into the head-phones room, eagerly heading into the room we just left. They both have shot glasses with them and appear to already be having a good time. Well…Rei was pretty hammered when we set out, to be honest.

Kenny's already sat at a bar, sipping from a sophisticated-looking martini. So, of course, we ruin his image to the extreme by piling around him like baboons with our vats of vodka and beer and whatever else we're drinking. Tyson and I reach for headphones and begin to belt out the songs playing on them. The fact that we don't even know the songs and that they're in a language we don't understand is entirely irrelevant…

After a few minutes of having a laugh and trying to enjoy ourselves, we've at least managed to make some friends. A very tall and well-built guy is talking to Tyson, and a couple of his friends are making themselves acquainted with Kenny and Hilary. Kai's getting more drinks (that seems to have become his occupation tonight). The built guy looks as though he's friends with the blonde Tyson and Hilary were checking out earlier; I have a feeling this is the only reason Tyson's talking to him so eagerly.

I'm about to venture back into the other room, when a strange noise unlike anything I've ever heard before sounds out through the door-way, quite putting me off going in there if I'm honest. Raising an eyebrow as Kai hands me a vodka and lemonade, I turn to Kenny, who somehow seems to know exactly what it is.

'It's Rei,' he sighs, sounding less than amused. 'He's singing.'

'That's…' I pause to listen to the unearthly sound again. '…a _person_?!' And even worse, a person I know…

The guy talking to Tyson makes a face at the doorway and begins to laugh. Tyson laughs with him, obviously pretending we have absolutely nothing to do with the guy now dancing on one of the tables. I can see him from here, and I should probably do something before this gets out of hand…

'Bar-crawl people! We're moving on!' the man in charge bellows out through the bar. Kai goes to fetch Rei from his many intoxicated and newly tone-deaf fans while the rest of us pile out, along with quite a surprising amount of people. Also, to Tyson's relief, the built guy and the blonde.

'They're American!!' Tyson hisses to me with all the excitement of a thirteen-year old school girl. Hang on a minute, I'm American! Why is that such a big deal to him?

Rei, I'm relieved to see, can still walk by himself. This is slightly pathetic I must admit, seeing as everyone else seems to be fairing just fine, and we're still at the beginning of the night. We have two more bars yet and a club, which we can stay at until it closes if we want. I shudder to think what Rei might look like by the end of the night if he carries on like this…and I hope to god I don't have to be the one to look after him again. That really should be Kenny, seeing as he's not going to be doing much anyway.

When we reach the second bar, which looks considerably more normal than the one we just left, Tyson and I charge in first to make it to the one and only large leather couch. We all squish up to fit on it and the Americans and Kai grab chairs to sit on. Rei races to the bar for another drink and poor Hilary gets dragged off by some Italian who's probably shorter than Daichi.

'So gorgeous,' Rei smirks, having returned after another shot, slinking over to Tyson's American and sitting on his knee, 'what's your name?'

Tyson shoots the guy a sympathetic look as he glances uneasily around and awkwardly grunts 'Er, Rick…'

'And what's yours?' I look around to find the origin of the voice. It's the cocky-looking blonde American, who's sat beside me and Kai.

'I'm Max,' I smile, and assuming Mr. Morose won't say anything, I answer for him. Well, I then decide to answer for everyone else, pointing at them individually. 'This is Kai, and that's Kenny, the leprechaun who just raced off to the bar is Daichi, that's Tyson, and that's Rei being pulled away from your friend there…'

He chuckles and indicates behind him, 'And who's she?'

I glance over at the girl smiling anxiously as she tries to pull herself away from a cluster of guys in leather jackets going 'eeeeeyyyyyyyy!'

'Oh, that's Hilary.'

He seems to sense her discomfort, because he gets up from his seat and goes to retrieve her. Hilary, who hasn't even spoken to the guy yet, looks as though her birthday has come early. She squishes in beside me on the couch and resumes talking to the blonde whose name I have yet to find out.

'So what's your name?' Oh, I guess I'm about to find out now…

'Michael,' he says in a cocky voice, a rather egotistical smirk to accompany it. Aaand, this is where I stop listening to that conversation. In my opinion, this guy could use a serious hair-cut.

Daichi's returned from the bar with a red drink and a red-head. Very impressive Daichi, this one's quite a looker! Hm, not really my type though; he's a little scary-looking actually. And that hair! What sort of gel must he be using on that?

…Then again, this Rick guy's got a pony-tail that sticks up in the air, so all of these people must use the same product.

Kai looks like he just entered the twilight zone. I have to agree with him; Daichi getting a guy who looks like that is unlikely in itself, but to find one that quickly is quite remarkable.

The chatter resumes for a little while before we're all called off again to go to the final bar. I must say, I'm definitely looking forward to the club afterwards; we haven't been to one yet so hopefully it will be half-decent.

The final bar we reach (after having to actually climb steps Rei nearly died on) hands us all shots at the door. Well, the _bar _didn't, the people working there did. This would be a good thing, except I'm pretty certain this is just fruit juice in a shot-glass. Not that this is really an issue; I love fruit juice! But a couple of others (a small riot) feel the need to complain about it. Tyson, unfortunately, is one of them. Nobody else in our group seems to really give a damn.

We make our way in to find quite a lot of people actually dancing this time, as supposed to just standing around like they were in the last two bars. So, of course, Hilary grabs me and the American by our hands and drags us to the centre of the dance floor. Daichi's guy has gone to grab drinks so he joins us aswell, while Kenny takes care of Rei for a little bit. Well, he's trying to at least. Unfortunately some other guy also seems to think he can take Rei off our hands for a while, so the two of them are dancing nearby, Kenny hovering beside them should something go wrong.

The American's actually not a bad dancer! With his cocky attitude you'd think he'd just be showing off terrible moves, but in actual fact he's showing off quite good ones. Certainly better than me, in any case. And Daichi, who's definition of dancing is basically jumping up and down while flailing his arms about. Still, even that's significantly better than Rei's attempt. He looks like someone just removed half the bones in his body. The right half, to be exact.

'Check it out guys, Rick complained so much we got free tequila shots!' Tyson charges over, bulldozing his way past several dancers to get to us. 'Hey, where's Kai?'

'He's getting more drinks,' Daichi responds. 'Which reminds me, I should go find Tala…' I take it Tala is the red-head Daichi brought with him from the last bar.

On his way back through the crowds of people, he stops briefly to whisper something to Hilary. Whatever it was he said, she looks at him, looks at me, looks at Michael, and then nods somewhat miserably and follows Daichi. So, I'm now left dancing by myself with the American. Could this get any more awkward?

I glance around to see if there's anyone at all who can help me out here (I've never been very good at handling this sort of situation). All I see is Rei, looking about as uncomfortable as I am with the guy he's dancing with, and Tyson defying Kai's logic and attempting his move with Rick. It seems he's forgotten about Michael entirely, and now that Hilary's wandered off for no apparent reason, I'm stuck with him. She, on the other hand, has just been roped in by another Italian, so it serves her right for leaving me here.

After a little while, the dancing becomes less awkward and I actually get pretty into it. He too seems to have warmed up to me a little bit more, and the dancing becomes slightly more intimate. He has one hand around my waist and I have one sloped around his shoulders as we grind against eachother's legs. This is actually not so bad; at least I'm not just sitting around being anti-social as I imagine Kai is doing.

When it's time for the group to move off again everyone's hyped up and actually pretty drunk. I think I'm going to need a few more drinks in the club; perhaps I can be Tyson-strategic and get Michael to buy me something…

After helping Kenny pull Rei's face away from the guy sucking on it ('Oh, thank god you guys, I thought I'd never get rid of him!'), Michael and I walk out amongst the group with our arms around one-another. Daichi and Tala are walking in a similar fashion and Tyson and Rick have their hands in eachother's back pockets. Kenny, Hilary and Kai are standing on either side of Rei, ready to assist in the case of a collapse on the stairs.

Fortunately, the club's only down the road. Michael and Rick talk and laugh and shove eachother the whole way there, while Ty and I just smile along. As we enter the club Rick chuckles and says to his friend, 'I think we ought'a buy these two some drinks.'

Tyson and I smirk at eachother and do the 'ka-chinggg'. The four of us sit at the bar drinking for a good half-hour, while everyone else disperses to do their thaing.

There are two podiums, one on either end of the club, and sooner or later Tyson spots them. 'Ah, come on Rick, let's go! Maxie, you guys too! We can show these people!'

Completely forgetting how embarrassing this could well be, I leap up and dash off, Michael following, to the podium already accompanied by a dark-skinned guy and Tala and Daichi.

Quite soon after, Hilary joins us. The dark-skinned guy immediately grabs her and we all dance up there in couples for a while. We're actually getting the crowds pretty riled up; many are cheering us on and facing us as they dance down below. Except, now that I take notice, they are mainly Italians…

Why are there so many of them here?

Tala is a _seriously_ good dancer. I'm even more surprised than I was about Michael. This guy _really_ doesn't look like he can dance, but…wow. Why he picked Daichi is so far beyond me I can't even see it in the distance. He, at the moment, has his legs wrapped around Tala's waist, while the taller of the two actually does all the work. It's a very amusing sight. Tala doesn't seem to mind in the least, though.

A couple of guys finally climb the steps to the podium to try and have a turn. One taps me on the shoulder and asks for a dance. I look at Michael, but he seems to be pretty easy-going. No Michael, dammit! I don't want to dance with this guy; you're supposed to do something!

'No, not again!' Hilary's voice shouts out at the other guy, who's trying to pull her back down the stairs.

Tala puts Daichi down momentarily and walks over to them. Seizing the guy by the arm, he forces him to let go of Hilary and then shoves him down the stairs. 'Fuck off!'

He then does a similar thing with the guy still trying to pull me away from Michael. Both of them retreat looking rather frightened. I'll never underestimate Daichi's choices again; this guy is my hero!

'Yo Hil,' Tyson calls over to Hilary, 'What's your guy-count so far?'

She thinks about it before stating 'Four'. She then retreats to dance with tall-dark-&-handsome again.

'Four?!' Tyson's jaw drops. 'Damn I've got some catching up to do…' He pulls Rick in and shoves his tongue down the American's throat. After a few moments of that he smiles pleasantly and says, 'That's one. I'll be back soon, Rick', before retreating down the podium steps.

Rick frowns and turns to walk away aswell. Michael pulls a face and says over my head 'tough break, man!'

After a few minutes Michael finally decides he wants to kiss me too. He's a little awkward about it, but I guess once Hilary's guy made a move he decided he didn't want us to be the only couple on the podium not sucking face. So, very quickly, he plunges in. Unfortunately, it hit me completely by surprise and I almost jumped backwards with a shriek, but I didn't (thank god- imagine how that would have looked).

By the time we separate, the only recognisable person left on the podium is Tala. He looks as good dancing by himself as he did before. There's also several other people who have finally decided it's time to take the podium away from us, so Michael and I decide we're going to get down. He tells me he's going to sit outside for a few minutes to get some air, and I tell him I'll be there in a few minutes.

Meanwhile, I head to the bar. Tyson and Kenny are scanning the scene while Daichi wails about something which clearly nobody is listening to. 'What are you guys up to?'

'Ohh, hey there lover-boy!' Tyson grins slyly. I roll my eyes and wonder if he's going to do this every night. 'Kenny's helping me pick out a few worthy hunks. We're guy-hunting, baby!'

He did _not_ just use the word 'hunks'.

'Max I just did the stupidest fucking thing!' Daichi wails, clambering on to my back just to make sure I listen to what he has to say and don't walk off. 'I was dancing with Tala, and everything was going well, and then I made an idiot out of myself!'

'What did you do?' I ask absent-mindedly, looking around for the rest of our group.

'I said to him 'I'm not going to have sex with you, you know'. And then he just looked at me and said 'I…didn't want to have sex with you'! I thought he'd been hinting but it turns out he wasn't! I felt like such a fucking idiot so I just left! Which made it worse! It was going so fucking well…'

I look back up to the podium to see Tala has vanished. Daichi clambers from my back and hits his head repeatedly on the bar-top. Tyson points at him and nudges Kenny, 'Check it out, Chief! Daichi's having a seizure!'

It's worrying that Daichi having a seizure would amuse Tyson to this extent, but I won't question it. Pulling Daichi from the table, I open my mouth to tell him to go and look for Rei, but what catches my eye next means I needn't bother.

Standing in the very centre of the room, Rei's grinning manically while flailing himself around in such a way that a 2-metre circle of empty space has formed around him. The surrounding people are looking as though they can't decide whether to retreat from the creature or to shoot it with a tranquilizer dart.

I look down at Daichi, who somehow knows what I'm going to say and charges over to retrieve Rei. As he drags the hammered boy away by the arm, Rei's voice can be heard trailing off, 'Daichi!! Oh my god, what a surprise! I thought you'd all left me! Have you any idea where all these elephants came from..?'

I sigh and turn back to order another vodka and lemonade. It seems the alcohol from before is wearing off because I'm trying to figure out logical things like how to get back to the metro station from here, and how we're going to walk Rei back up to the-

'Crap!' Tyson's shocked exclamation makes me jump and I turn to look at him, only to find he's staring straight over my head. I can hear several whoops and cheers as I turn around to see what the fuss is about.

My jaw reaches the centre of the earth. Standing on the podium, dancing, by himself, _extremely well_, is none other than Kai! I haven't seen him for ages, where the hell has he been? And more importantly, why didn't I know he could dance like _this_ sooner?!

'Beggin'' is a difficult song to dance to; I can't believe he's pulling it off. And damn, does he look _good_ doing it. I had no idea our Kai could pull moves like those. The crowd seems to love them aswell. Tyson pushes through the people cheering, trying to catch Kai's eye, but the stoic gaze is rooted on the back wall. Probably a smart idea; stealing a glance at Tyson catching flies could throw anyone off. Heh…just kidding, Ty!

The pressure intensifies as someone very familiar and probably widely-known as being the second best dancer in the club takes the podium. Tala seizes Kai by the waist and the two of them smirk at one-another. I must have missed something because this familiarity is unlike Kai; they must have already been acquainted.

I grin and turn away from the crowd-pleasing pair, suddenly remembering Michael. I pass by Tyson who's still just gawking, and Kenny who's ordering another drink for him. Bless Kenny, he's been really good considering there's not much fun he can have with a boyfriend waiting for him back ho-

Mother of pearl! I…I think the vodka has finally reached my head, because I just _know_ what I just saw can't have happened! I did _not_ just see Rei kiss Daichi. No, no I didn't. They're _just_ dancing…I…that didn't happen. Oh god...where's Michael?

'Hey, there you are!' he grins as I make my way over to where he's seated. Man, it's cool out here. I didn't realise how hot I was getting.

We sit around cuddling for a while, occasionally pulling eachother in for a kiss or actually having a small conversation. He seems to be in a trance. I follow his stare but don't see anything particularly interesting so I figure he's just in another world. But at least I now know where Hilary is; sitting about five metres away from us in the lap of tall-dark-&-handsome, faces fully attached.

Suddenly he's brought out of his trance by Rei, who stumbles out while trying to look and point behind him (clearly not a good idea). Rick then emerges aswell, looking more amused than annoyed.

'I…I'm not talking to _you_ anymore!' Rei pouts, eyes wide as saucers. '_You_…you were…mean to me!'

Rick chuckles, 'Well, so long as you don't sing to me hun', we shouldn't have a problem.'

He walks off, leaving Rei to look horribly affronted, stumbling slightly to the right. 'See you later dude,' he says to Michael, who nods in response.

Tyson conveniently chooses the moment of Rick's departure to venture outside aswell, Kenny and Daichi in tow. 'Hey Ty, where's Kai gone?'

Tyson gives that signature grin again. 'Oh, he's "on a walk" with that sexy Tala guy.' Oh my god, _helpful_, Tyson!

Daichi thumps down on the ground and crosses his arms in a strop. 'I think we should go soon,' I suggest to Tyson, glancing down at Daichi. 'Any idea what time it i-?'

'Tyson!!...Buddy!' Rei has stumbled over to us. Kai had better hurry up on his stupid "walk" or we'll probably never leave.

'It's four thirty,' Kenny answers the question I didn't manage to finish. Damn, seriously? I didn't know we'd been here so long…no wonder I'm so sleepy. What a day!

'Woah! Guys, check out Hilary and guy number 5 over there!'

Hilary cringes and shoots a glare in our direction. 'Tyson, don't be a dick!'

'You are what you eat!' Tyson declares in response. Hah, thanks Ty, not too much information at all. 'Anyway unhinge yourself, we're leaving as soon as Kai decides to come back from his orgy fest with-!'

'Er, Tyson, he's behind you…'

Now that Kai's finally joined us, Hilary and I say goodbye to our temporary boy-toys and join the others.

'Ughh, my feet are _killing_ me!' This has pretty much become Hilary's mantra now.

And so we take our leave, Kai slapping Tyson upside the head about fifty times for announcing to everyone that the best dancer in the entire place is into orgy fests. Yeah, it's probably a good thing we're leaving, or he might have been roped into something quite unpleasant there…

-x-

'Kai, that dancing was…unbelievable,' Tyson gushes as the heavy elevator door creaks closed behind us, probably going a fine job of waking everyone in the building, if we didn't already manage to do that.

'Yeah, Kai,' Hilary agrees, looking genuinely impressed though as far as I know she didn't even see it. 'Tomorrow night you're saving a dance for me!'

'Er, hell no! Butt out Hil, he's _my_ teacher! I need instruction! Have you _seen _me dance?! I'm going to need that all night…'

In the words of Kai: hm, bitch please. 'Hey come on, Ty! I'm a close second when it comes to bad dancers here!'

'I'm just going to volunteer Rei for third place…' Kenny puts in before rummaging for our key, having reached our floor with the other two.

'There's nothing special about him!' Daichi bellows, somehow correctly guessing who we're talking about and sticking out his tongue at our new god. 'He stole my guy!'

'He wouldn't have fucked you, anyway.' Wow. Okay, never expect Kai to be the least bit understanding after he's done something to upset you…good life lesson, there.

'Well, you didn't fuck him either,' I point out to be fair.

'Yeah but we were in public, weren't we.'

'Has never bothered Tyson…'

'Rei, I swear to god…!'

'Can we get in the fucking room already?!' Oh, I forgot about Hilary's feet. And the fact that she's been jumping from one foot to the other for the past three minutes didn't really kick my brain into gear either. 'This is almost as stupid as when I told Tyson his shirt was see-through and he thanked me for it!'

'_That_ was what you said?! I thought you said it looked pretty!'

'You fruity little-!'

'Ah, here it is!' Kenny finally finds the key in his pocket (how it took him so long I have no idea) and we pile inside to the welcoming sight of lime. Oh, did I not mention this before? Yes, our walls in the living room are lime-green. It's a sight for sore-eyes, it really is…

Then again, I shouldn't really talk, because I happen to own an outfit and matching knee-highs in the same colour…

Nobody really says a word as we all pile in. Man, in this light I can really see what a mess everyone looks. And their alcohol-induced foul moods don't really help.

Hilary and Rei immediately head to their respective rooms. I hope Rei doesn't do something stupid like barricade the door again before I can get inside. I grab my previously-abandoned glass of coke zero and take a gulp of it on my way to the kitchen to wash out the glass.

Well, I had a good intention, anyway. Instead I just leave it on the counter top beside the humungous vat of pasta and remains of yesterday's Greek salad. Hm…there's a couple of flies in there…Oh well. We'll deal with this tomorrow. Or, later on today, as I should say.

I'm relieved to see the door has been left ajar and make my way in, not even bothering to remove my eyeliner and wash my face. Tyson's in the bathroom anyway and I am _not_ waiting for him. Last time that happened there was an incident involving pubes in the bath I could never bring myself to enquire about. Besides, it's fucking early; I'm going to bed.

Totally ignoring the fact that our door (which _works!_) is still open, I settle down beside an already-sleeping Rei and try to ignore the sound of Kai snapping at Daichi, and the light which is beginning to seep under the blinds. Before I drift off to sleep I like to reflect a little. It was a pretty fun night. A night which started out boring but turned out to be pretty awesome…a good start…

After a few minutes my peace is suddenly broken by a voice sounding out through the apartment. 'So Hil, who do you fantasize about in the elephant thong?'

'Shut the hell up, Tyson.'

* * *

(A/N): I'm also one of those peculiar people who can't cook with someone else in the kitchen, like Rei :D

Speaking of Rei, I find I'm actually making him quite insane; it amuses me greatly :). He's got about 4 different personalities now.

If anyone was trying to guess who Hilary was with, don't bother; he wasn't an existing character, just a random guy. And I know TysonRick is a little odd, but I was beginning to seriously run out of characters while planning this.

The elephant thong wave; include an elephant thong in a chapter/oneshot! Do it! :D And it shall reappear! Along with a certain someone…(and no, not the watermelon. I did not turn the watermelon into a person for the purpose of this statement only).

These A/N's are always too long; I have a problem shutting up :P. But seriously, what I did to myself the other day hurts like a bitch. Ready for it? I burned my left eyelid. Yes. Cooking, oil, splatter, BIGFATBAGOFOW!

The next chapter's a good'un. I've already written a good half of it :P


	3. Chapter 3

_Rating:_ K+

_Genre:_ Humour/Friendship

_Summary: _I've decided this will change with every chapter…

_Warnings:_ yaoi, language, and quite a bit of OOCness.

_Disclaimer:_ don't own beyblade or any recognisable characters. I also don't own My Wife & Kids (for plot-borrowing), or Family Guy (for a reference).

_(A/N):_ 'Oh guys, no need to worry! It took forever to get the second chapter up, but I'm half-way through the third already, so it will be up real soon!'

BAHAHAH. MY ASS. Sorry about the enormous delay!

Wonderful news: I have taken chapter 9 from Hilary and given it to Max. Everyone seemed to like Maxie's chapter, so he's now got two and Hil has three instead of four. It all still works out well, which is good for me also. Actually, I've already written a good portion of that chapter :P. Slightly ambitious, methinks…

Japanese people, please do not take any kind of offence in this chapter; it's all in the name of comedy :D Something rather bizarre happens in this chapter.

So this one's Rei's. I had to compromise him a little; he has two chapters in this and in all the rest of them he's an absolute nutter :P. But I had to tone him down for his narration. Hopefully it will sparkle just fine with you guys. Heheh, I've been watching too much Southpark…

I know I have a serious talking problem, but did I tell you guys I got into my first choice art college?! XD Camberwell, here I come! Woop!

* * *

_When in Spain…_

_By StZen_

* * *

_Day 4- The day of rest._

Today is our Sabbath. The day of rest. Except it's not a Sunday, or at least I don't think it is; I lose track on holiday. Hell, it could be Christmas and I probably wouldn't know. Except I would really, because Max would be a constant reminder. And Tyson would be eating everything in sight and making a horrible mess. And Hilary would be loading the place with enough shopping bags to open her own store. And Kenny would have wisely taken off. And Daichi would be bouncing off the walls while simultaneously asking what Christmas is. And Kai the anti-Christ would be spitting flames all over the newly-cleaned carpets! And…

I'm going to stop; it's not healthy to get so aggravated in the early morning. Not that it's early at all, but ten is a pretty decent time to get up considering we fell asleep three hours ago. Perhaps that's why I'm so tired…

From the unintelligible words sprouting from Max's mouth, I can only assume that he's still asleep. With highly exaggerated tip-toeing, like I'm the pink panther or something equally ridiculous and cartoon-ish, I sneak from the room and make my way into Tyson's. I'm not sure why I'm heading that way; it seems to be the place people go in the morning…

…I kind of like the idea of being a pink panther…except I'd be a cooler colour…like black. Or white! White panther…or white tiger! Yeah, white tiger is cool…what was I talking about..?

'Santa Barbara!'

'…what?'

Ah, Tyson and Hilary are awake! That saves me having to use serious drastic measures to wake them up (cue _very_ serious face). Not that drastic measures would really be needed, but I never do anything halfway. Apparently this includes cooking pasta, but we won't dwell on that!

I head in through the open doors and receive a very puzzled look from the girl in response. I know why this is. It's because I forgot to stop tip-toeing. So I snuck around the corner with my hands clawed in front of me, looking like a half-wit. Nobody else has noticed, though; Kenny's barely stirring from where he's scrunched between the side of the bed and the wall, and Tyson's excitedly digging around for something…

…in his suitcase, that is.

Finally, he holds something up in triumph, but is shaking it around so fast I can't even see what it is. (Again, we are speaking of something not sex-related).

'Tyson, what the hell is that?' Kenny mumbles from behind Hilary.

'Foam!'

Bottled foam? I didn't know such a thing existed. 'Where the hell did you get-?'

'That's for me to know and you to kill yourselves with curiosity over,' Tyson blurts out at record-breaking speed before charging past me, hollering 'Kaaaaiiii, oh Kaaaiii! I have a present for you!'

Oh no.

'Tyson you fucking son of a bitch! What's the fucking big idea fucking waking us up and ruining our fucking sleep! I can't fucking…' And that's what I walk in to. Fortunately, Daichi has his head buried into his cushion and so all is rather muffled and quiet.

The commotion wakes Kai, who rises slowly from beside Daichi and mumbles 'hmm, wha..?'

'Happy Birthday!' Tyson cries, for no apparent reason, and empties out his foam bottle on Kai's shirt.

'Tyson!' Kai cries out, leaping up faster than Max in the presence of donuts and throwing his shirt off in a flourish. 'You fucking bastard, you know what foam does to-'

'Your precious skin, I know princess, you've told me many times already!' Tyson grins at the knowledge of Kai being thoroughly aggravated.

'Kai, it's not really your birthday is it?' I ask, wondering how my calendar could _possibly_ be incorrect after all that careful consideration and time spent on it.

'No it fucking isn't.' Ah, phew!

'What the hell are you guys doing?'

'Maxie I bought a foam machine! All our troubles are over!' Tyson screams dramatically as though he's found a cure for the rare STD he probably has by now.

'When on earth did you buy a foam machine?' Kenny inquires.

'On our second day here when we went shopping. Don't tell me nobody noticed me lugging that thing around all day!' In all honesty, I was rather preoccupied with my new Neuro Fuzzy rice cooker…

There's a snorting sound as Daichi falls back asleep. Kai sits back down beside him on their sofa bed without bothering to put his shirt back on.

'God my head hurts…' I suddenly realise, lifting a hand to my forehead as though that's actually going to make a difference. Man, I seriously can't remember very much from last night. I remember an awful lot of dancing and, regretfully, singing. Ooh, I remember Kai's dancing! Boy was that a milestone in our lives…

'I'm not surprised!' Tyson chortles, 'You should have seen yourself last night, Rei!'

I'm quite glad I didn't have the privilege actually, Tyson. 'Aw man, and I only got to kiss one guy!'

'Well, there was also Daichi,' Max mutters.

…At the risk of sounding like that Jewish woman from Southpark…_what, what, what?!?_

He sees me gaping like a goldfish in his direction. 'Yeah, I saw it happen…at least, I'm pretty certain it did…'

'No, it did. I saw it too,' Kai states. Considering at the time I'm pretty certain he was dancing on the podium with the guy Daichi had been with before, Kai must have been paying a lot of attention.

We all look down at Daichi, lying on his front with his legs spread wide over the sofa we're all perched on. His foot twitches and kicks Kai in the face.

'Oh god,' I moan. I'm definitely limiting my alcohol content tonight…at least I didn't get to my angry-drunk phase yesterday; we never want that to happen again!..._EVER_!!

'Wednesday's child is full of woe,' Tyson randomly points out.

There's a short silence. '…Sorry, Tyson?'

'Wednesday's child is full of woe,' he says again. 'Have you not heard of the song? Depending on what day of the week you're born on, you've got your own destiny. Sucks to be the bastard born on Wednesday…'

Nobody asks him to expand any further on this. Instead we all make our way into the kitchen, one at a time (because that's really the best we can do), and grab some warm bread (because that's really the best the toaster can do) and jam or cereal. We don't bother to wake up Daichi. I've managed to find a low-fat yogurt! Jackpot!

'Can I have the last bit of bread?' Tyson asks, mouth completely full already and another slice in his hand.

'See if Kenny wants it first,' I say while Kai slaps the other slice out of Tyson's hand and puts it on his own empty plate. 'Hey, Ke-!'

'No, no, I'll do it.' Tyson steps past me and takes a deep breath. I instinctively take a few steps backwards, and probably for good reason as I see Tyson's chest inflate.

'BUTT-SCRATCHER?!'

I glance around wildly to see if anyone else is as puzzled by this as I am. For a moment, there's a bemused hush. Then, from down the call, a muffled and rather irritated voice dully replies, 'Butt-scratcher…'

'Y'know, Daichi,' Tyson says conversationally without a single explanation of his sudden Family Guy outburst, 'I had a dream about you last night.'

'Was he in lip-lock with Rei?' Oh well done, Kai, very fucking droll!

'Almost as strange; he was on a five-seater bike!' How is that _almost_ as strange?! That's like saying Kai's fetish for lemon-scented foot cream is almost as strange as Tyson's tendency to scream 'hallelujah' at a climax. …You know what, bad example; both are pretty strange.

'That's…unusual.' Kenny drones, probably just trying to humour him.

'Not as unusual as the fact that he was riding alone on the back seat…'

'Sorry, Tyson; nobody cares,' Kai cuts off with that brutal honesty we all know and loathe. We've finished our breakfast and gathered in the livingroom. Kenny and Hilary are beginning to doze off again on the chairs, while Tyson and Max pick up a girly magazine Mariah left here. I suppose she sees it as being _fair_ to leave that and her stupid book by Jordan consisting of worse grammar than Tyson's second-grade paragraphs, if she can run off with my mascara and old shirt! That thing was too small for _me_, princess, and frankly, it did your over-exposed chest one too many favours for a nightclub of apes in Barcelona.

…I shouldn't say things like that. She's actually a really nice girl!

But then again, I never thought I'd know a girl to wear more revealing clothing than Hilary. Why are all the girls we know huge slags? Does it make gays feel better about themselves and their own low Christian moral standards?

After a good hour or so, not much has been altered. The biggest change is that now Kenny is sat on his laptop outside on the balcony, which is what we all should really be doing. Daichi's still snoring like a fog-horn, and Max and Tyson have moved on to the Jordan book about a girl who was apparently 'not a stunner, but not a minger either', which they quoted with absolute glee at the expense of Kai nearly shooting himself in the foot. He's had his head buried in a novel for a while now, leaving me with nothing to do but watch Hilary contort herself into the most uncomfortable sleeping position ever.

'Hil,' I hiss, waking her gently. In a sort-of daze, she follows me to the back bedroom. I figure if she's going to sleep, she might as well sleep in a better position.

Tyson has followed me in, waving the pink book excitedly, 'Hey Rei-!'

'_Shh_!' I exclaim frenetically, before taking a tumble and knocking down the entire curtain rail again with a colossal clash. I roll my eyes and pretty much give up, but Hilary's fallen asleep again.

I pick up my yogurt and begin to enjoy, a full sense of satisfaction on my face as I just know they're all jealous right now, after their soggy bread, which was probably all they could get their hands on before rushing out to avoid the yellowing bananas that still remain completely untouched.

'We should all go to sleep,' Kai dictates, putting down his hard-back with several thousand pages probably projecting the concepts of Stalinism. 'Tyson and Max are giddy in their over-tired states, and everyone else is dozing off.'

'BUT KAAAAAAIIIII-'

'Tyson, for god's sake, Hilary's asleep!' Then again, so is Daichi, but not much is likely to wake him up if he's slept through Max and Tyson's giggling so far.

'Everyone, bed.' Kai declares, and apparently that's fucking that! I hate when he gets like this…I'm the one who nags, not him! 'I'm being completely serious here. I'll wake you in a few hours.'

He casually catches me glaring in his direction. He deserves every glare I give him, the little...

'And that yogurt was there when we arrived, Rei.'

…_MOTHER-!_

-x-

Apparently, Kai decided it would be appropriate instead to leave us drooling like diseased hippopotamuses until we managed to drown in our own saliva. Well, speaking for most of us, that is. I _never_ drool in my sleep. I'd probably end up drowning in Max's saliva, which is a prospect even more disgusting…

I open my eyes to find there's considerably less of a glare than there was when I last closed them. The sun's been fading from its midday peak, which means we've been asleep a lot longer than intended. Well, there goes the potential for a day…

Throwing a shoe at Max in an attempt to wake him and somehow make it look like an accident, I flop through the door in a daze to see a scruffy-haired Kai hastily (and rather roughly) shaking Hilary awake.

'What time is it?' she asks brightly.

'Er, five thirty,' he says shortly. A groan from Tyson similar to the one when my shoe hit Max's head sounds out from behind the wardrobe bulk.

Max strolls out and checks his watch. 'It doesn't look like there's much time to plan dinner. I could run down to the store if anybody can think of a quick meal for Rei-'

'Noo!' I moan in such a gruff voice it sounds more like a half-dead cow impersonation. 'No cooking. I'm too tired…'

'Let's go out to eat!' Tyson bounds up from the bed and promptly crashes into the wardrobe, causing it to wobble alarmingly. 'Come on, maybe we can find somewhere that's not a beach café this time! And then Opium! Best club here, baby! We get in early, Rei says we can get stamped and then leave for surrounding clubs for a few hours, and then go back. But first, I need some good non-home-cooked grub!'

Kai, not surprisingly, doesn't look convinced.

'Tyson,' Max speaks up shyly out of the blue, 'was Rick a good kisser?'

Tyson looks worryingly confused. 'Who..? Oh right, from last night! Er, not bad. That guy with the eye-patch was awesome with his hands, though…'

'Oh, right.' He chuckles a little. 'It's sort of ironic, that after all that gawking you did at Michael, I was the one who ended up with him.'

Tyson, bless him, joins in whole-heartedly. 'Hey, yeah! What's even more ironic is what a waste of time it was when all along he was looking at Hilary!'

He roars with laughter, evidently expecting us all to do the same. But Hilary and I look absolutely aghast and Kai kicks him sharply in the shins, shaking his head with a grimace. Poor Max, however, is looking heart-wrenchingly bemused.

'Looking at Hilary..?'

Tyson looks uncomfortable. 'Well…yeah. I mean…didn't you…realise? I just thought you were doing it for a laugh…I mean, it was brave and all…I probably would have done it too, whatever, to get somma' that and annoy Hilary and all, but-'

'Tyson, shut up!' I snap desperately. Hilary looks extremely embarrassed, but not to quite the extent of Tyson, who's gaining less of a chance of a hole opening in the ground for him as he digs further into it.

'He was…straight?' Max gasps incredulously. The colour in his cheeks rise with the rest of ours; it's become a very awkward situation.

Tyson coughs nervously and decides, perhaps stupidly, to just keep on digging towards the truth. 'Well…yeah, that was kind of obvious…at least, I thought…I thought you were just pretending…to…because he'd fallen for it…you know, for a laugh..?'

He breaks off stupidly. His rambling is unclear but we all know what he's getting at, even blondie beside me, whose eyes widen with shock.

'Oh my god!' he cries out. 'Michael thought I was a girl?!'

I think this has happened to the best of us. Well, it's happened to me on a number of occasions. I'm so used to it now, half the time I don't know whether the man I'm on the arm of will have a scarringly-nasty surprise in store for him later or not.

'Aw, that's happened to me so many times,' I drawl casually and retreat to the living room. Kai follows, issuing me an approving pat on the back which is quite a change to the cold shoulder he usually gives me. In fact, it's quite lovely. I almost want to glomp him, but something tells me that wouldn't go down too well…

'Yeah, yeah me too, Maxie,' Tyson tries, failing miserably in my eyes, but at least Max looks better about it now.

A few minutes go by of pre-dinner Malibu drinking and a good laugh before we remember the meal situation.

If we're deciding to go out to eat we should probably track down Kenny and Daichi, though I have no idea where they are. I'd better find out before Hilary and Tyson get much further in this little competition of bathroom-related anecdotes we're all absolutely delighted to be a witness of…

'Okay, have you ever sat down on the toilet, and then realised a second too late that the lid was down?'

'Oh-ho _man_, that's not good. But I can beat that; I once forgot to pull down my pants! It made getting out of bed look like a real waste of time…'

'One time-'

'-At band camp!' we all chorus. She rightfully ignores us.

'One time I was just about to go out, and I could hear the shower dripping, and I got so annoyed with it I pulled the lever hard to make it stop. But I pulled it the wrong way and got soaked!'

'I've gotten into the bath with socks on before, so I think I'm the king of this game, baby.'

He flashes the victory sign with an oh-so subtle wink, and Hilary's opened her mouth to retort. 'Yeah well-'

'We get it. Tyson is the bigger idiot' and a big hand for Mr Statin'-The-Bleeding-Obvious Kai! Still, I'm glad he got them to shut up for a couple of seconds…

'Okay so, what, we're going out?' Tyson asks, as though he didn't just reveal some of the most disturbing facts ever to us, that we really could have done without hearing. Actually, knowing Tyson, it can probably get so much worse.

'No,' says Kai flatly. Oh, wow that was deflating.

'For gods sake Kai, grow a pair!' I'm not too sure why I said that, I've sort of just always wanted to…

'Crikey!' Max jumps in the centre of all the action and holds a squat pose with his arms out at either side, poised as though something's about to jump up and eat him. 'The vicious battle is about to begin between the Rei-tiger and legendary Kai-bird. The Tyson-dragon and the Hilary are standing by as we wait with baited breath for the fight to end all time…'

Did I miss something…?

'Max, what are you doing?' Tyson asks quizzically, cutting across the crickets. With that commentary and Australian accent I think it's pretty obvious what the blonde is doing.

Kai's looking a little agitated. I think he may well snap…any moment now…

'If these morons are tigers and dragons then why the hell am I a bird?' …not quite what I thought he was going to say, but alright…

'It's all to do with a comic book I have playing in my head,' he states proudly. I won't ask.

'Why don't I get a cool animal? Why do I have to be _the Hilary_?'

'Please don't give us reason to continue this further…' I've had enough. 'Look, Kai, we're going out to eat. And you're coming whether you like it or not. Afterwards we'll go to Opium and have a great night.'

'Absolutely not, Rei. I swear to god, you couldn't even pay me. You couldn't _pay_ me to go out to a restaurant with you morons.'

-x-

'I can not _believe_ I'm stuck looking for a restaurant with you morons!' Kai exclaims for a fifth time as we wander the streets looking for somewhere decent to eat.

'There!' Tyson suddenly exclaims, pointing at a huge building on the next street, elaborately decorated on the outside by waterfalls sliding down the walls and a small intricate garden.

'Tyson,' Hilary sweatdrops. 'That's a Japanese restaurant. We're in Spain for a reason!'

'Well we tried to find a tapas bar but we couldn't find one, so I want Japanese now!'

Has anyone else noticed that it always seems to be Tyson who decides where and what we eat?

'I could go for some mayonnaise…' Max puts in randomly. We all just pretend we didn't hear him.

'Well, Kai what do you want?' I ask, hoping that perhaps my asking for his opinion will make him hate me slightly less.

'I don't give a fuck, just pick a place to eat already!' Someone's being _seriously_ crabby today. Well…no dessert for him then! HA!

Finally giving in, we all traipse inside after Tyson, who's so excited he skips up to the entrance.

'Welcome, welcome all,' greets the seating hostess, dressed in an elaborate kimono. 'You have _r_eservation?'

Kai rolls his eyes and steps forward. 'No, no reservation. Party of seven. The name's Kai.'

She nods and writes his name in her book. 'Kaizzz…'

'No, Kai.'

'Yes, is what I said. Kaizzz.'

'No, not 'Kaizzz', _Kai_!'

'Kai…'

'Thankyou.' He expels a frustrated sigh and glares at me with absolute malice.

'…zzz…'

'Bitch, I-_holy!_'

'Kai, don't be rude to my people!' Tyson roars, causing several of his said people to glance in our direction. I'm already beginning to think this whole thing might have been a bad idea, and we haven't even got a table yet. And now because of Tyson's right elbow Kai will probably be in a foul mood all night. Unless he gets some later, of course.

'Holy…' a couple of people murmur, beginning to gather around us, but simultaneously staying well back. If everyone here begins to imitate Kai's language we may have some profanity problems to deal with later.

'So Kaizzz,' the seating hostess bravely ignores the bared teeth and hands over a small black device. 'This beep, your table _r_eady. Now, please go sit in the lounge, until your table is _r_eady.'

'Hell no, lady.' Kai can't just _not_ be difficult for one second, can he?! 'I know how you do this, making us buy drinks to waste our money. I'll sit in the lounge…' he trails off mysteriously before ending on a note of satisfaction 'but I won't buy anything.'

The hostess is unfazed. 'Oh, that okay. Two drink minimum. We charge you anyway.'

'Arghh!' I'm actually getting a little scared. This whole thing is seemingly my fault, even though everyone else wanted to go out to eat aswell. Hell, it was Tyson's bloody fault we're here in the first place! But somehow, I'm going to get the blame for all of this. I always do when someone's not happy. And I know for a fact that Kaizzz is _not_ happy…

'A lounge? Oh yeah, baby, drinks!' Aaand, that's Tyson convinced. The people already staring at us with wonder have their eyes glued to the hooligan as he seizes Max and begins to charge off.

'Hey Kenny! Look at all the fishyzzz…' As amusing as Daichi's attempt at cultural assimilation is, I'm going to follow the devious duo before the fire department needs to be called…again. Hilary follows me with Kai's promise he'll keep an eye on the two peering into the coy pond with a small bridge separating the entrance and the restaurant.

After about five steps I realise Daichi's decided to join us. He must be bored of the fish; boy has the attention span of a nat.

'The time has come,' one old woman croaks at me as we walk past. 'He is among us, the leader has returned for his followers…'

Leaving the mad bat behind, I shake it off and try to follow the shouts ahead of us, trusting Tyson and Max will lead us the right way to the lounge. This building really is huge; we walked a good few minutes to get from the entrance to the lounge, just to drop off the morons on cloud nine and head back again.

Hilary follows me back to the entrance, gushing about all the wonderful large paintings and exotic looking aquariums. I'm not going to tell her that those aquariums are solely for the purpose of satisfying our hunger. I'll let Tyson tell her at a really inappropriate time, like when her food arrives. If we ever get into the restaurant, that is.

Meanwhile we've left Max, Tyson and Daichi in the lounge, where Tyson was instantly glued to an attractive man in his mid-twenties, which could keep him amused for a good few hours. And _I_ was voted to be slut of the holiday _because_? The day Tyson starts being picky I'll…kiss Daichi. Again. Oh god!

I'm going to force those memories out of my mind like I have Hilary's voice. Now all I can really focus on is how long this freakin' walk is…

There's some form of commotion going on back in the entrance, and I can distinctly hear Kenny and Kai's voices. Mind you, I can also hear Daichi's voice and he's about half a mile away back in the lounge.

I can see Kai now as I approach, looking as though he's doing a really bad job of feigning concern. Yeah, that smirk is extremely noticeable Kai Hiwatari, you have not hidden your satisfaction well. I see Kenny now, ringing out his shirt into the coy pond. Why's he doing that…? And why is he soaking wet…?

…_Oh my god!_

'Kenny what the hell are you doing?!' Hilary should win the Stupidest Question award.

'He pushed me!' Kenny cries, pointing animatedly at Kai, who's _still_ smirking fit to beat Jesus.

I look at him incredulously and he instantly puts on a dramatic mask with a heavily affronted expression. 'No, no I tried to catch you!'

'With your_ foot_?!'

Oh that's it. 'Kai! You bastard, I know you didn't want to come here but you didn't have to push Kenny in the pond! You know he's susceptible to illness, and he's already begun to catch Tyson's cold! And oh god, what if he _swallowed _some of that god-awful water! Who knows what will happen to him now?!'

You know what when _Hilary's _giving you the 'geez Rei, chillax' look, it's time to stop being a drama-queen. But naturally, I don't give a damn. Seizing Kenny by the wrist, despite his protests, I begin to drag him to the bathroom. I can feel Kai's smirk sinking into my back. If he thinks we're going back to the flat because of this he's got another thing coming…another thing, I say!

'Right,' I say to myself as I pull Kenny ahead of me into the men's room. Without another word I lift him bridal-style and hold him under the hand-dryer.

He, of course, is not best pleased. 'Rei put me down will you! This is so embarrassing!'

I don't give a damn if it's embarrassing. If I can ignore the laughter from people passing us, and the homeless guy sitting by the sink listening to his portable radio, then he can! Especially as he shouldn't be able to hear them with his head so close to the dryer.

'Touch the pants and you're dead!' He yells as I turn him upside down and lift the back of his shirt to dry his back. I roll my eyes; as if I'm going anywhere near that region. He can fix that himself; he shouldn't have been looking so closely at the coy in the first place. He also could have suggested chaining Kai to a post, but did he mention that? No!

'Okay we're done here,' I turn him the right way up again and inspect him. His hair's now sticking out every which way, his clothes are all crinkled and his face now red from hanging upside down. Not to mention when he moves his shoes squelch. 'Erm, alright. Come with me. We'll get you something else to wear.'

I grab his wrist again and drag him to a desk selling tourist merchandise. This is the oddest restaurant I've ever been to in my entire life. I pick out a large hooded sweater from the rack with a giant open-mouthed gaping fish on the front, and stroll over to the cashier. Kenny follows uncomfortably and says nothing as I pay for it.

'Your friend may change in that room over there,' she points me to a store cupboard and hands me the key.

Kenny takes his damp clothes off and hands them out to me first, before disappearing again to put the sweater on. A few crashes are heard and I'm assuming there isn't a light switch in there. I'm just glancing around for one when I suddenly catch sight of a walking canary to my left.

Well, okay, it's not a canary, it's Max. And he's looking a little lost. 'Hey Maxie!' I cry, and he begins to make his way over. I wonder where everyone else is; perhaps our table is ready by now.

Or perhaps not… 'I still can't believe Michael thought I was a girl all that time.'

…Who..? Oh right, the American blonde from yesterday. 'Well…you do have a pretty smile. And you were wearing eyeliner…and rather tight jeans…'

'Yeah but I'm _gay_, Rei, not a girl!'

'I know, I know, but some idiots can't tell the difference. Now, if I had two instructions for you, it would be to forget about this Michael jerk, because you'll never see him ever again, and you'll have many more guys who will actually recognise you as a guy while on this holiday. And also…' I reach behind me for the neat pile of drying clothes. 'Please take these and ask around if there's somewhere we could store them while they dry.'

Max smiles at my consoling words and walks away, Kenny's clothes in hand. As soon as he leaves Kenny emerges, as if on cue, looking slightly ridiculous in only a sweater which reaches his knees. That fish on the front is rather horrifying; I wish I'd got a good look at it before paying for it.

Together we make our way back to the lounge, where Tyson and Daichi instantly crack up at Kenny's new attire. Kai raises a sceptical eyebrow. If he makes that look at me one more time, I swear to god, that eyebrow's coming off!

'How much did that thing cost?' He asks suspiciously. Before even waiting for a sweet white lie of a response, he grabs Kenny by the hood and yanks the label off. 'Sixty Euros?!'

'Well, we might have been able to return it if you hadn't torn the label off, Kai!'

'You guys, stop yelling! As if Tyson isn't attracting enough attention!'

Our gazes follow Hilary's pointing finger to the sight of Tyson enjoying his fifth Tropical Celebration drink. There sure are a lot of people watching him…and I don't think it's just because of his and Daichi's tooth-pick flinging spree.

'This is unbelievable!' Kai exclaims, shaking the black beeper as though it would make even the slightest difference. 'I'm going to ask why our table isn't ready yet.'

Since when did Kai become the impatient one? I decide to follow, without telling him he has a tooth-pick in his hair, and make sure he doesn't gouge the seating hostess' eyes out or something equally disturbing and Kai-ish.

'Hello, name please?' the same woman greets us.

'…Kaizzz.'

'Oh!' she chirps happily. 'You finally pronounce it right!'

I take hold of Kai's fist as it balls itself tightly (A/N: I mis-read this sentence inappropriately every time :S). She takes the black beeper. 'Is this eighty three?'

'Yes,' Kai says reluctantly, looking almost afraid to answer that question.

'Oh! That one is b_r_oken! That why you didn't come twenty minutes ago…'

'Well why didn't you come and _get_ me?' Kai asks through his teeth.

'I didn't want to interrupt your tropical celebration!'

'Look,' I interject before Kaizzz has a chance to inflict eighteen years of childhood pain and Tyson-related hardship on this innocent Japanese hostess. 'Is there any way we could get a table for seven now?'

'Let's see…' she says, grinning at Kai before glancing back down at her book. She must have a severe death wish. 'Ah yes, new table just opened up. I show you where you seated.'

'Thank fuck,' Kai growls, and continues to mutter swear words continuously under his breath as he marches back to the lounge to retrieve the five remaining stooges.

I stare after him. 'He's pissed off because he tried to order the Tropical Celebration, but every time he took a sip, the barman waved a tambourine and threw confetti over him.' Where the hell did Max come from?

I smirk and we follow the hostess to our table, shared with another group of four around a large grill where the food is cooked in front of us. The restaurant's absolutely lovely, and I'm very excited to be presented with a meal I didn't have to stand in that hideous kitchen cooking. We smile politely at the family and take the two corner seats. Soon enough the others have joined and Kai sits in the remaining seat to my left, while the others sandwich themselves between Max and the family, who are already looking rather frightened at Tyson carrying two Tropical Celebrations with him and Kenny wandering around in nothing but his gaping fish hoodie.

Instantly, the teenaged girl opposite Kai gives him a sly smile. Kai returns it with a look of obvious disgust. The girl's mother sees this. I slap Kai upside the head. Everybody else looks rather confused. Except Tyson, who's still checking out the guy from the lounge, who is now seated on another table and appears to be smiling back.

Just as the tension begins to get uncomfortable, our chef shows up and everything's broken. Well, not literally everything (yet), but the hostility is at least. For a few minutes, and probably a few minutes only, it looks as though we can just order our food, eat in peace, and pretend we're somewhat normal.

Or maybe not. '_She sipped my drink!_' I'm about 75 percent certain I just heard Kai hiss something in my ear. I glance to my left and find he's staring towards the coy-pond bridge with malice usually reserved for glaring at me. The hostess is walking towards us with a colourful-looking drink in her hand I almost can't believe Kai would order.

'I…what?' is my intellectual response.

'My drink! She sipped it!' Kai hisses again, bending forwards and narrowing his eyes in concentration, as though his stare will take her down like a bullet.

I bark with laughter (actually, it's more of a shriek; could never manage the barking thing…) 'you are loosing your mind!'

'I know what I saw, Rei; she took a sip of it! I won't tolerate this!'

'Kai, please…'

'Hey lady I'll take two more of these Celebrations, double this time! And please send one to that fine gentleman on table four.' Tyson's demand clearly means the moment I'm dreading is about to become another major source of embarrassment. As if there hasn't already been enough today!

'Look, lady,'

'Yes Kaizzz, here your drink.'

'No I don't want this drink. You sipped this drink. You sipped it!'

She cocks her head to one side. 'Zipper?'

'No, not zipper! You sipped it! You. Sip. it!' he tries to break down for her to understand.

'Oh!' She cries happily and, before our very eyes, she takes up the drink again and sips it! I raise a despairing hand to my head as the chef begins to laugh at my misfortune. Except he doesn't realise it's almost entirely my fault, which makes it even worse.

'No! Oh my god, you did it again!' Oh-my-god, he's broken out the Oh-my-god! When Kai begins his blatantly-gay-lingo we know he's ticked. 'Take this back and don't charge me for it!'

'Yes, we charge you!'

'No, I said _don't_ charge me! Look, is there someone else I can speak to?'

'Does there seem to be a problem here?' Sweet Jesus, where did this manager guy come from? Hm, that's quite ironic, he's the only person here (apart from the customers) who isn't Japanese. 'Sir, I can get you another drink if this one's not to your satisfaction.'

'Yeah and don't let Crouching-Tiger-Sipping-Dragon here bring it!'

The manager turns to the seating hostess, 'What's he talking about, Heidi?'

'Oh I have _no_ idea, Gary,' the hostess drawls back in a thick American accent. Even Tyson breaks his stare with the man on the other table at this odd occurrence. She quickly corrects herself and mutters something in her usual small, high-pitched voice before trotting off to fetch Tyson's order.

'Would you like to try my secret formula?' Daichi asks in a surprisingly polite and un-barbaric way to the man seated beside him, holding out his glass with god-only-knows-what in it. I can see several tooth-picks floating around in there…

The man doesn't say anything, he just looks rather frightened and turns away to face his family, who also aren't saying a word. Daichi frowns, exclaims 'You're mean!' and twists the man's arm.

'Daichi!' I fling a chopstick across the table, aiming for the red-head. Unfortunately, wouldn't you know it, I hit a man on the next table. I quickly duck down to hide my face and find I've launched my head into Kai's crotch…wonderful.

The family opposite shoot me appalled looks as I slowly raise my head again. Kai puts on a voice of heavy mock-charm and pats me on the head, 'Rei, please, not now.'

'Bastard…'

'That's repulsive, what are you doing?' Hilary's looking genuinely disgusted. Then again, I can't really blame her. I too would be making that expression if I had to sit next to Tyson and watch him lick his lips like a giraffe.

'I'm seducing that guy over there with my mating call. Now shush Hil, I don't want him to see me talking to you. The older men love this…'

'They only love it if you can lick your eyebrows,' Kai grunts as his new drink is brought fourth by somebody else. Well, that's Tyson kept entertained for the rest of the evening, thank you Kai.

The next commotion occurs ten minutes into the procedure when the chef knocks Kai's lobster to the floor while brandishing the knives. His swearing alerts the family seated opposite us, and the girl who looked at him before begins to giggle.

Oh god. Please don't laugh, don't laugh at Kai. I laughed at Kai once when he was going through his emo phase and tripped in the middle of a dramatic exit. After that, I swear to god I thought I'd never laugh again…

'Julia, it's rude to snigger,' the woman beside her says gently.

'You're not my mother!' she cries, even shutting Kai up (there's something I never thought I'd say). Somebody is _seriously _PMSing over here. 'You're only here because you're Romero's little whore!'

Her brother and our entire length of the table gasp. This is extremely awkward. Even the chef has momentarily wandered off. We don't even know these people; do we _really_ need to hear about who's whose whore and why they're here?

The man who I assume to be Romero is seemingly oblivious to his surroundings, and is gazing at his reflection in a hand-held mirror. 'You know,' he drawls to Kai, addressing us for the first time. 'Your child looks like a retard. You really shouldn't take them out in public.'

'Yeah?' Kai challenges, ignoring the blatant insult that someone would assume the boy still trying to lick his eyebrows is his son. 'Well, sir, your children look like squirrels. And I for one don't feel it appropriate to allow a banshee into a restaurant if a retard is not permitted.' I notice he didn't actually deny Tyson's given status.

The girl bares her teeth and Romero looks defeated. The woman begins to applaud. Tyson stops suddenly and looks confused. '…You talking about me?'

We resume our dinner in a strained silence as the chef returns. I'm still half-way through my fish and Tyson's already gushing about his dessert. The chef hastily leaves again to prepare it, evidently frightened of everybody on this table now apart from Max and the red-headed guy opposite us. His sister keeps stealing food from his plate, and I really feel for him, because I've also been on his end of a food-picking battle with a certain female before. One who is a very nice girl, might I add!

You will never guess what Tyson has ordered for dessert. It's got to be the largest I've ever seen…in fact, I can barely see Tyson behind the giant green blob. It's pretty much forced Hilary to finish her food too, as that goes crashing to the floor like Kai's lobster with the amount of room taken up by it. I am, of course, talking about the largest watermelon known to man. Apparently a section is cut out and filled with ice-cream. I know this only from looking at the menu though.

So typical. We're now using ours as a doorstopper and Tyson wants to eat this one?! This just doesn't fly…

'Sorry Hil, but as supreme ruler of this table, you sort of have to make a little room…'

But before I can say anything, or Hilary can reach Tyson with her knife, a loud shriek sounds out from behind us. We spin around to see…well, nothing. But then we glance down and catch sight of a small group of Japanese women waving multicoloured beads and chattering excitedly. They seem to have taken great interest in Tyson…which is very worrying.

'Supreme ruler…' they murmur. They seem to have forgotten the crucial 'of this table' part…which isn't even true anyway!

'Supreme ruler who brandish toothpick…'

'He is the holy one,' the crazy woman who walked by me earlier pops out of nowhere, waving turquoise beads in her left hand. 'The screaming man said so.'

Kai looks less than amused at being referred to as 'the screaming man'. He opens his mouth to retort but can't seem to get anything out before being interrupted. The women are beginning to shriek now and quite a few others in the restaurant are staring with either great interest or major frustration. The dysfunctional non-family seem to have decided their meal is over, and have gone.

'He has returned for his people!'

'The leader shall rise again!'

'I hope lightning hits me and I die…' Hilary buries her head in her hands.

'Okay, time to go!' I take charge, standing up and passing the bill to Kai, avoiding the spit-fires shooting from his eyes. 'Kai, please get this one and we'll pay you back later. We don't have time to calculate it individually. Max, where did you take Kenny's clothes?'

'Oh, I gave them to the nice man in the bathroom; he said he'd look after them.'

'Why do I have to pay the- you did _what_?' Kai and I are both gaping at Max in utter dismay. Kenny's also heard and abruptly stops trying to fight off the crazy people surrounding Tyson, who's actually looking rather pleased with himself.

'I spent good money on that shirt!' Kenny shrieks, leaving the hyenas to worship Tyson without trouble. 'What on earth made you trust him?!'

'His hair was purple!' Max perks up. 'Like how I imagine the Maxie-turtle to be in my comic book!'

I…have no words. They're gone. They've all fled my brain leaving a well thought-out farewell letter simply saying 'have fun, fuckaz' and a dead squirrel.

'Why can't we just be normal?!' shrieks the oddly high-pitched voice from the small teenaged boy in nothing but a hoodie with a scary fish on it.

I've become even more worried about my sanity because I'm imaging the words in my brain acting like uneducated alley-cats and now I'm beginning to think I've caught this brain-eating virus Max seems to have.

'Fuck!' Kai screams. Yes, screams. He seems to be living up to his new nickname. He throws down a wad of cash and storms off in the direction of the bathroom I dragged Kenny into earlier.

We all follow, aside from the great holy one, with severe reluctance. And after a lot of unconvincing threats (that man was rather alarming), faulty negotiating, and an endurance of Hilary's shrieking outside the door because she wanted to know what was happening, Kai marches out of the bathroom looking as though he's about to have a cow, fifty Euros lighter, Kenny's clothes clutched in his hand.

You could cut the tension with a knife as we walk down the corridor towards the exit. I just _know _Kai wants so badly to say something, but I can only hope against all hope that-

'Well are you happy now, Rei?' Ah, nope. Hoping doesn't work apparently.

'Oh come on, Kai,' thank god Max has decided to stick up for me. It's the first sensible thing he's said in a while, actually… 'It wasn't _that_ bad, surely.'

'No? Oh well lets see. I got charged for a lobster I didn't eat, a drink the hostess drank, the fine for assault Rei got after throwing that chopstick, that hideous sweater, Kenny's clothes I had to buy back from that creep in the bathroom, and a whole list of drinks that I didn't even order.'

'Oh, I can solve that mystery,' Hilary pipes up, 'Tyson was sending drinks to that man on the other table all evening.'

'Well hay, it worked! Check it out dawg, I gave him my number and he gave me one back,' he brandishes the napkin proudly in Hilary's face, who takes it and scowls before hitting him over the head with it.

'No, idiot, he gave _yours_ back!'

We all groan and continue towards the exit. We now have to find two cabs and head out to Opium and its surrounding clubs. To be honest, I'm a little tired, so I hope the alcohol will be enough to revive me for a few hours without resulting in me being completely trashed. I also sort of hope it can make Kaizzz take me off his murder list, or at least put me down a few notches.

We all walk in silence for a little while, before Tyson exhales sharply and makes an audacious and rather stupid excuse to break the silence. 'Phew, man I'm _stuffed_! I don't think I can ever eat watermelon again…'

-x-

'Look, I'm not interested…'

'Come onn. You know you wanna' suck it dry.'

'I…really don't.'

We're back in Opium for a second time, having arrived to find it almost empty (it was early), been stamped, and trekked off to the smaller surrounding clubs. This was simply so we could be permitted free entry (being the stud muffins we are), get a couple of free shots, dance to a couple of songs, and then leave again with a buzz to jump the lines and head back to Opium, now apparently ablaze with horny guys, some of which are rather slimy.

Now that I've finally given that creep the slip, I heave a sigh of relief and turn to find my friends have…_disappeared_!?! Okay, I realise there's no real need to panic here. My worst fears that they've decided to abandon me the way they planned all along and take the next flight out to Mexico can't _logically _be in place...

Even if it _was_ in place, now is a pretty silly time to be going to Mexico anyhow…

'Hey baby,' a Portuguese drawls as I pass. For God's sake, can't he see I'm pulling my hair out with anxiety over here?! Quite literally, actually; there's long tufts of it leaving a trail behind me… 'How'd you like a taste of hot mocha?'

'I…uh…I only like black guys!' I squeal, rushing off through the crowds so fast I have to put an end to my self-inflicted malting. Oh man, where can they be?

I race by the couches and the bar on my way to the back doors. Outside are several couples making perfectly good use of their inebriation, but no sign of anyone I _know _being taken advantage of…which should probably be a good thing, but only makes it worse.

I'm just beginning to panic when I suddenly hear the most wonderful voice crying out over the music and dancers. I swear, at this moment, it's like an angel's cry of 'Hallelujah!' A massively terrifying grin spreads over my face the moment Tyson's voice reaches my ears, and I hear a distant cry of…

'BUTT-SCRATCHER?!'

'BUTT-SCRATCHER!' I holler back (though I ain't no holla back girl), ignoring the bemused people backing away from me. 'BUTT-SCRATCHER! _BUTT-SCRATCHER!_'

Tyson, relieved someone's answered his call, runs from his location and we meet by the couches. The next thing I discover is Hilary, who apparently has been lying here on the couch the entire time! I ran past her twice and didn't even notice!

'You okay, Hil?' Tyson asks.

'I'm…so tired…'

'Tired?' I snap suddenly, making her jump. 'That's not good! What if it's the alcohol! What if someone slipped something in your drink! _What if you've been drug-raped_?!'

Her head falls against her shoulder and she snaps it back up again. 'I'm not drunk! I'm just…tired…like I'm about to fall asleep.'

'Well, that's not good.' Tyson says lazily. 'I think you should take a trip to the ladies'. I'll get help…' he clears his throat. 'KEEEEENNYYYYY!'

Kenny, who just so happened to be strolling past with Daichi and a load of new friends they've made, almost flies over the ledge. He leaves Daichi to lead his new trail of very attractive girls (too many unanswered questions to ponder right now) to the dance-floor and joins us with Hilary.

'Kenny, take Hil to the bathroom; she might not be feeling well. I'm going back to look for Kai-de-Kai.' I'm sure Kai will _really_ appreciate that new nickname. But at the same time…well…why can't I have a nickname?! I could be Rei-de-Rei! Kai and I could have equally dorky nicknames that _match_!

'Rei, do you think you could help me instead of going through your montage of facial expressions?' Ah, I do need to quell that habit, actually…

We walk with Hilary into the girls' bathroom. None of us even think anything of it until one woman cries out in a French accent 'you can't be een 'ere! Eet is zee ladies room!'

Thinking on my feet, which usually doesn't end well, I step towards her. 'I…er…_I am a lady_!' I shout in her face, my eyes as wide as I can make them. I'd hate to know what I look like right now, so I feel quite bad for her having to witness it up front.

'Oh…ah, forgive me, I…could not tell.' The French are so wonderfully honest!

Meanwhile, Hilary's just puked up in the sink. That's absolutely disgusting. But the only thing stopping me from jumping against the French lady and screaming 'ewww!' is the colour. It's…red?! RED?! You know what this means! It can't be…is it-!?

'Oh gross, the wine turned it red!'

Oh, the wine!…Okay good; I was worried she'd overdosed on the ketchup!

After a few painful minutes of watching her trying to force the vomit down the sink in embarrassment, we eventually give up and drag her away, apologizing profusely to a load of women so drunk I don't think they've even noticed.

'Guys, check it out!' Daichi's distinguishable voice cries out as soon as we leave the bathroom. 'My new friends each gave me a free drink token! I've got tokens for seven free drinks!'

'That's nice, Daichi,' Kenny says passively. 'Hil, you should get some water.'

'No, no, I'm fine now-' she tries to get away, clearly underestimating Kenny.

Eventually he drags her to the bar and tries to order a glass of water. What comes back is…definitely not water. But the idiot should have realised that a ten-euro glass of water would be ridiculous even for a club. Perhaps I should have mentioned that the Spanish for water is agua…

Oh well, nevermind; they're still happily drinking it.

I take a moment to figure out where everyone is. Kenny and Hilay are with me, Daichi's beside us ordering a round entirely for himself, I can see Tyson over the crowd of dancers in the arms of Mr Hot-Mocha I turned down earlier, Kai's trying to rid himself of one of Daichi's female friends, and Max…I have no idea where Maxie is. He probably wandered off with some new guy to forget about the one yesterday. Atta boy!

Speaking of boy…I want some. Dragging Hilary (the most eligible even though she's a girl) by the hand, we descend the steps back onto the dance floor. Three seconds in and she's whipped away, so I make my way towards Tyson instead.

The first thing I notice is that he's not wearing any shoes. Actually, the _first_ thing I notice is that he's receiving a rather slap-dash hand-job, but I ignore it. Instead I grab a guy to my left and dance until I get bored. I then make my way back to find the entire group, apart from Max, are dancing in a circle. This is actually really fun.

'Hil, what's your count?' Tyson calls over the noise.

'Six!' Hilary shouts back.

'Aw, man!' Tyson spins around and seizes a guy behind him, yanking their faces together without even pausing to check who he is. A few minutes later, he turns back as Daichi wanders off again with his girls. 'Six! And a hand-job! Business is booming!'

Hilary smirks and walks off, accepting the blatant challenge which has just been set. Tyson starts grabbing more men, Kenny following him to ensure nothing uncontrollable happens (not that Kenny would be much help in that circumstance, but it's sweet that he cares). I'm left with Kai, who at least seems to be in a better mood than before. His fly is also undone…but I'll pretend I didn't see that.

The rest of the night goes by in a fuzzy sort of tipsy blur. But actually, I had the time of my life! I'm not joking; I could have danced well into tomorrow. Though we did end up dancing until the lights came on, which is the longest I've ever spent in a club. And with a guy-count of five, I'm well ahead of my game yesterday…especially as I didn't get with anyone in my friendship circle this time…ahem.

Max has finally rejoined us! Seven hours he spent off with the same guy! Blimey, how did he do that? I get bored after ten minutes! But still, he seems like he's had a good time aswell, so I'll smile happily without asking questions.

'I hope I see Mathilda again,' Daichi's rambling on. 'She was really nice. And Salima was really cool aswe-'

'My shoe's gone!'

'Well what did you expect, Tyson? You left them in a corner for hours on end!'

'But the bastard only took one! That's just a pain! If you're going to take shoes, take both of them! Now I have to carry one back to the flat, knowing I can't wear it!'

'What time is it?' Max asks, clearly ignoring Tyson's rant which has now developed into a slight frenzy.

'It's…shit!' I exclaim in alcohol-induced surprise, checking my watch. 'It's seven-thirty in the morning! Why would a club be open until seven-thirty?!'

'For losers like us, maybe Rei?' as Kai makes that blunt statement, I realise we are the only people left in the entire place. We brace ourselves to walk out into the sun, and begin our treacherous journey to the metro station, Tyson resuming his eyebrow-licking-attempts every time someone vaguely attractive is sighted.

I get the feeling we look absolutely disgusting, sharing the metro with those heading out for work. Everyone's eyeliner (which we all wear) is severely smudged, and the blonde and bare-footed fairy opposite me both have very dodgy stains around the pelvic region. Hilary's still got a mark from her wine's great comeback on her chin, Kenny's become quite yellow, and Daichi has a hickey. My hair has completely fallen out of its binder and is up in a hasty plait I did when I was drunk, but Kai, irritatingly, looks just as good as he did before.

'I know!' Tyson cries, index finger in the air. 'Let's sing! You know this one, everybody!' he leaps up and begins, despite all our silent prayers for a sudden terrorist attack. His chest inflates, before belting out '_…There's a hundred green bottles, standing on the wall! A hundred green bottles, standing on the wall. And if one green bottle should accidently fall…'_

'_There'll be ninety-nine green bottles, standing on the wall!'_ Max heartily joins in. '_There's ninety-nine green bottles, standing on the wall! Ninety-nine green bottles…'_

…Oy vay.

* * *

(A/N): Bit of a weak ending, sorry about that :P. I had almost reached the end and just wanted to upload this already, so I sort of rushed it.

…Er, it's a thousand words shorter than the last! …Yay? :S

The whole Japanese restaurant part is based on my favourite two episodes of My Wife & Kids ever made! It's from memory though, because I haven't seen the episodes in ages. They're seriously hilarious, though.

Next one's narrated by Hilary, and we actually have some real drama. I hope I can still manage to make it funny :S.

CHECK THE POLL.


	4. Not a chapter, sorry

_(A/N):_ Don't get excited! Well, you can get a tad excited if you want. You can check the 'updates' section of my profile for the long-winded version, but I've decided I've not faded out yet. The good news is I'm committing myself to pressing on with _Do Svidanya_ and beginning _Those He Left Behind._ I can't say when, but I've made up my mind that much at least.

The bad news is that I don't think I can continue with this one. _However_…I read back over my plans and it saddened me just how much I had wanted to finish this fic. I thought it would get done very quickly, only being ten chapters and all, but it's dragged far too long.

So what I'm going to do here is simply put down everything I had for the rest of the chapters. In some cases I had large chunks written and some are just random lines (that's how I begin most chapters; random funny lines). If I ever come back to this, I'll get rid of this chapter and just carry on, but I want you to know some of the stuff I had yet to write.

* * *

**From Chapter 4**

_Day 5- The day of dancing and the night of drama. Hilary's POV._

…

**(A/N): Tyson once went out with Garland, and he now remembers and gets all upset about it.**

'He pretended to be all honourable but really he couldn't stand me, I'll bet you anything! What if nobody can ever stand me, ever?!' he wails. 'And I'll be forty!'

'What? Forty?!' Max looks absolutely horrified. '_When_?!'

'Some day!!'

…

'All you can do is act immature and tell a stupid sex-related joke!'

'You fucking _are_ a stupid sex-related joke!'

Yeeep, Tyson and Rei are still yelling fit to beat Jesus at eachother.

'You're so full of hot air!'

'Oh yeah? Well what are you full of, Rei? Semen!'

…

'You guys,' Daichi says out of the blue. '…I think I might be straight.'

**From Chapter 5**

_Day 6- The day of travel. Hilary's POV._

…

Poor Daichi is being harassed about the announcement he made yesterday.

'How long have you known?' Tyson asks softly, speaking as though the greatest tragedy has just befallen.

'Yeah, I mean, didn't you notice?' Kenny asks, trying to help somewhat.

Daichi shrugs. 'I don't know…I guess I've just been friends with Tyson so long, I just assumed I was like him.'

'Perhaps you're bisexaual,' Max suggests, to which Tyson responds with an intellectual snort.

'Oh god, hell no. Daichi, I can take it if you're straight, but those half-breeds just baffle me!' Wonderful, Tyson, bordering on prejudice without actually stating it. It's a shame about the loose connection between that boy's brain and his mouth. 'I mean, honestly, how can you go for _both_? That's literally having your cake and eating it too!'

I hate when people do that. Actually, Tyson, hate to break it to you, but that's _not_ literally having your cake and eating it too. And that expression is absolutely ridiculous because there's no good whatsoever in having a cake you can't eat.

'Which is which?' asks Daichi impatiently. 'Because so long as I can eat the cake, I don't really care who it belongs to!'

'Well, I assume being straight would be having the cake. Then you get the whole package, including family and, you know, respect and everything. But then if you're queer, you've sort of eaten away at your chances…but the whole thing was a damn tasty experience.'

…My god, that actually made sense!

'And if you consummate it in Vegas, you can eat all your money aswell!' Only Daichi would find that vaguely appealing, even if we were talking literally.

'In China you can eat your dog!'

'Let's put an end to this before someone gets offended…'

'What the hell am I, your cat?!' Rei fires, clearly offended to the highest extreme about the edible dog comment.

…

'God Hil, why do you get mad at me for always being right? I don't get mad at you for always being wrong!' Tyson is _such _an ass sometimes!

…

**(A/N): By this time they'd gone to Salou and are now in a hotel.**

'I think Kenny ought to sleep in the single, seeing as he's so ill,' I voice, already knowing what Tyson's going to say before he opens his colossal mouth.

'Ah Hil, I know you just want to share the double with me,' he winks.

'Who said anything about sharing? I was going to make you sleep on the balcony…'

'Hardy ha-ha, Hilary.' He puts his man-bag down on the bed. 'I get the middle, then.'

'Oh yeah, and why's that? So you don't sleep-pee over the balcony again?'

'No, just so I can masturbate to both of you at once.' Touché Tyson, touché…

…

**From Chapter 6**

_Day 7- The day of doing basically nothing. Rei's POV._

…

**(A/N): Tyson and Rei are on their balcony watching people having sex on the roof of the opposite building. LOL it sounds so weird to explain it like this.**

'Crikey!' Oh no… 'Take a gander at the sheila canoodling with the blue-footed boobie!'

'Max what are you talking about?' I ask, craning my neck to look past the wall on to Max's balcony.

'I have absolutely no idea, but my Australian's getting pretty good, eh?'

I roll my eyes as Tyson cries out 'OPERATION SUPERMAN IS A-GO!' How wonderfully subtle he can be at times like these… 'Max, is canoodling even a word they use in Australia?'

'I don't know but it sounds bangin' in the accent!'

I shrug and open my mouth to agree, but I feel a sharp tugging on my collar and suddenly I'm flung backwards, arms flailing and everything, landing on Hilary's bed with a thump. Tyson's soon to follow, and I thank god the balcony door was completely open or we could have had quite a fatal accident there.

'WE SURRENDER!'

'Remind me never to be on a team with you, Rei…'

On second thoughts, I don't think it _was_ an accident because Kai's standing with his back to the balcony looking down at us with a rather disturbed expression on his face. I'd say we've definitely been busted in a dodgy situation here. But I'm still quite curious to know how Kai got in.

'And the Kai-bird has made a grab for its prey…' After that, Max conveniently disappears. Or he just stays very silent.

'Erm…' Tyson says awkwardly, neither of us daring to move as we lie there awkwardly as though waiting for him to rape us or something. '…hi, Kai.'

'First you don't tell me you're going to the beach,' oh wow, that Tyson is a liar and a half! 'And now I find you up here watching some couple like sick perverts.'

'But Kai they're right on the balcony! I mean, look at them! How can you not, they're practically _asking_ for it!'

'Yeah, Kai!' I join in enthusiastically. 'Come on, take a look! They're right there behind you on the opposite building!'

'Look, look, Kai!' Tyson points excitedly behind the tufts of blue hair. 'Check it out, you haven't lived until you've taken a peek at the orgasm roof!'

'You've named it?'

He ignores me. 'Come on, they're right there! Look now, look, look, look!'

I think it's all the excessive pointing and the excitement in Tyson's voice, but Kai actually switches his brain off to listen to his burning curiosity and turns his head to have a look in the direction Tyson is pointing. Of course, as soon as he does this, the couple happen to glance over. They see Kai gaping at them and hurry back into their room, throwing looks of disgust back over their shoulders as they go.

Kai looks mortified. Tyson looks like the Cake 'n' Bacon just came into existence. Which, by the way, would be a miracle in his eyes.

**(A/N): Cake 'n' Bacon is a **_**Fairly Odd Parents **_**reference…lol don't ask.**

…

Hilary's taken charge and is literally herding us out like cattle, trying to stop a drunken Kai fighting with what I can only imagine is an inanimate object.

'Is it 'cause I'm white?! It's 'cause I'm white isn't it!'

…Yeah, it's time to go!

…

**From Chapter 7**

_Day 8- The day of rein. Hilary's POV._

…

'Hey guys,' Tyson interrupts, confusion written all over his face. 'Who's Rick?'

We all face-palm. 'Tyson, you idiot! He's the guy you were with on our very first night out! At the bar-crawl with the guy who thought Max wa-…er, the blonde!'

'Oh!' He cries out with recognition. 'Well he sent me a text…Wait, how'd he get my number? I have a policy about that! In fact, I'm pretty certain I remember making a point of giving him a _fake_ number…'

'Tyson,' Kai's just walked in from his shower and is clearly past wondering what everyone is suddenly doing in his room. 'Tyson, why do you have my phone?'

'Oh!' We all turn to him with raised eyebrows. 'Right, it was Kai's number I gave him! Ah, I thought I'd stopped doing that…'

'You've given your creeps my number before?!'

'Well come on, I mean sure there might have been some random texts and calls, but really, did anything catastrophical actually come out of it?'

'My last boyfriend!' Kai's looking angrier by the second.

'Holy shit, actually?! Ah damn, _that's_ why Kane looked so familiar!'

We all have both eyebrows raised now, gaping back and fourth between them uselessly like the goldfish on Kenny's hoodie from the Japanese restaurant. Kai, the poor bastard, is grinding his teeth now to the point that they must be sharp as knives. Shit, and no wonder; it must be a blow to find out your ex was a fuck-buddy one-night-stand of Tyson's… I think I'd throw myself off a cliff.

'You'd think Kane would have said something, though,' Kenny puts fourth thoughtfully.

Tyson shrugs. 'Well I was clearly with The Honourable Asshole at the time, so I guess we had an unwritten agreement to act entirely oblivious about the whole thin-'

'What do you mean _act_? You completely forgot who he was!'

I, as usual, am flatly ignored. 'Hey Kai, why did the two of you even break up?'

That was a bold move even I wouldn't make when questioning Rei about cleaning methods, but Kai simply glares and says though his teeth, in a surprisingly calm voice, 'he was cheating.'

Not quite knowing what to do or say, we all wince and suck air through our teeth awkwardly. Well, all except…

'Cheating?! But he said I was the only one!'

'Tyson, I swear to god…'

'Well at least nobody ended up poisoned in this relationship…'

'Hey!' I cry out indignantly at what I know is a blatant insult to my first one. 'I was thirteen! Nobody told me you weren't supposed to keep fish in a drawer!'

…Well they _didn't_!

…

'You like to buy a drink for your lady?' the sleazy barman asks. As apparently he's free to leave his bar, it appears none of us will ever be rid of him…

'Oh, well, thanks but we're no-'

'How do you know she's not _my_ lady?!'

'Tyson, if you don't shut the hell up-…'

…

'Marco, I'm hallucinating this total loser is talking to us…'

'No, you're not hallucinating! I'm a real loser!'

Poor Tyson's not having such a good night. He'll most likely blame it on his burst blood vessels giving him panda eyes, but I reckon everyone in this place just sees him for what he really is…a dick-head in a gold shirt.

Well, I guess the panda-eyes don't do him any favours either.

I might take pity on him though, as he's run out of cheesy chat-up lines and in a panic has resorted to screaming out every well-known line he knows.

'THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!'

'You appear to be scaring people off, more than anything…'

'I…UH…WHO YOU GONNA CALL?!'

'Okay, Tyson, let's go outside for some air…'

'But...but…the force is strong with this one!!'

…

**From Chapter 8**

_Day 9- The day of fuck-all. Kai's POV._

…

'You guys, Kenny's pretty sick. Maybe we should take him to a hospital…'

'_What?!_'

'Er, I mean…Disneyland!!'

Max stares at Kenny with a contorted expression, tilting his head to one side to ensure maximum dementia. 'He doesn't look good, guys…' yeah speak for yourself, 'maybe there's something wrong with him! Tyson, shoot him a…um…a maths equation!'

'Okay,' Tyson leaps up to the challenge. Kenny and I both groan. 'Okay chief, if you have 70 euros, and seven friends, and you give 10 euros each to two of those friends, what do you have left?'

'Two friends!' Hilary's voice shouts from the bathroom.

'Tyson, that's not a fucking maths equation!'

…

Just as this night can't get much more pathetic, Tyson wanders over looking horribly suspicious, a disgusting white blob dripping down his chin. Ugh, if he's going to be a fucking whore he could at least be _subtle_ about it!

'Tyson!' Max cries out with excitement, lifting his half-empty glass of trans-fat in the air. 'You had the mayonnaise martini too?!'

'…Is that what we're calling it now?' This situation would be funny if it weren't so fucking messed up. What kind of twisted club _is_ this! No wonder it might as well be empty… This is about as pleasurable as sharing a bath with a fan-heater.

…

**From Chapter 9**

_Day 10- The day of committing mass deafness on all who bear witness. Max's POV._

…

Suddenly, an ear-splitting shriek catches my attention. This can only mean one thing: either it was Hilary just being herself, or the demon bird has finally come for Kai…I must investigate!

I charge through the open door into Tyson's room to see Hilary almost toppling off the balcony. Kai's standing there looking as though he's fighting the side of his brain telling him to push her over the ledge.

'What's going on?' I ask, trying to hide my disappointment at the lack of demon bird in the room.

'He threw my camera off the balcony!' Hilary screams, turning to look at me with a rather red face from hanging upside down.

'Kai!' Tyson steps out of the wardrobe. 'That's dangerous! What if it hit somebody?'

'Fuck _somebody_, what about my _camera_!?'

Am I the _only_ person wondering why Tyson was casually standing in the wardrobe this entire time?

Apparently so, because Hilary's launched herself at Kai and they've both tumbled on to the bed. Kinky. Or at least, it would be if they weren't either on a murder mission or squirming in the un-manliest way possible, depending on which one we're looking at.

'Leave him alone, Hil!' I scream without warning, alarming Tyson so much he leaps back in the wardrobe. Charging at them, I take Hilary by the arms and amazingly manage (just about) to pull her away from the stick-insect still wincing below.

'He broke my camera! Why the hell should I, Max?!'

'Because…er…he's your son!'

'Oh come on!'

We both pause in our disagreement of Hilary's relations to stare back down at the bed with concern at the whimpering still emerging from Kai. Man, I had no idea he could be such a wuss when in such close contact with girls. And this is the man who wears their rose colours on his toes! Though, despite this painful blow to his reputation, it seems we've discovered something that scares Kai more than his own chicken-legs. Even Tyson's head re-emerges for a final time. And I realise I probably screamed a little too loudly, because before we know it…

'What's going on in here?!' Matron-Rei has graced us with his excessively ungraceful presence. 'The Castanlleta's are complaining that their cat can't sleep, and-'

'What kind of blue pansy would I have to fuck to have a son like that, the female smurf?!' Hilary exclaims, a little slow on the uptake. Rei decides this conversation is too odd for him and backs out the room again. We all stand in silence. I am absolutely horrified at the thought of fucking a smurf, Kai is absolutely horrified at the thought of Hilary giving birth to him, and Tyson looks worryingly interested in the subject, so I think it's about time we head down for dinner…

…AND KAREOKE! BOOM, BABY!

-x-

…

We forget our embarrassment for just a moment to gather round Kai and, as much as we can't bear it, brace ourselves to watch what he recorded. For the most part, it consists of a surprising amount of dodgy butt-shots it seems Kai is only able to do when slightly inebriated. Aside from this monstrosity, there's so much blurred whizzing you'd think I'd been the one with the camera, accompanied by a dismal noise which needs to be muted after a while so as to prevent us all becoming tone-deaf. Who decided the worst singer of all of us should be placed next to Kai, and with the other microphone?!

'…My god.' Rei pales as Daichi puts on a face insinuating he's about to burst into tears. I nod in agreement.

'Why on earth is the singing so deep?' Tyson wrinkles his nose in confusion.

'Oh, er, that was me,' Hilary flushes slightly. 'I wanted to distinguish my voice from the rest of yours so I lowered it.'

'Hil, you had the bloody microphone! Now the entire thing's in a freakin' A-minor!'

'It's not as if it would have been better anyway!' she defends.

There's another silence as we make our way to the elevator, avoiding the glances and glares of those passing by who recognise the now infamous quartet, perverted-looking camera man, and ape who couldn't quite reach the microphone.

We reach the elevator and are almost at our floor before a giggling noise issues from behind us. We turn to see Hilary smiling a little behind her hand. 'You know, it wasn't all that embarrassing in the end. Actually, it was quite fun!'

This is the type of random happy outburst usually reserved for Hermione Granger after the annual June You-Know-Who attack on Hogwarts, but before we can massacre her, another, much more frightening laugh emerges from the other corner as the doors open.

'I know, right?!' Kai exclaims with a horrifying resemblance to Regina George. 'I'm so glad we did that!'

Tyson groans groggily as we miserably pile out through the doors, hoping with all our hearts that nobody's out there. The two who have clearly now forgotten the previous fight over a camera trail behind, watching the video again and laughing loudly at all the shots of our asses flashing across the screen, mirth drowned in what I strongly feel should really have been _Over-Protected_.

'Hey, guys!' a voice cries out from behind. I see Tyson violently shudder at the voice and am sure Kai's done the same, as the bizarre laughter has indeed come to a sudden halt.

'Err…heyy, Kane…' Hilary puts fourth gallantly. 'We, er, we didn't know you were staying here too?'

Oh dear god, you know what this means don't you? (What does it mean, Max?) Well I'll tell you! This means that while we were up there making absolute asses out of ourselves, Kane was most likely seated by the pool watching with wonder his old boyfriend recording a previous one night stand shaking his ass to Britney Spears. Of course he won't say anything though; Kane's a nice guy. But we all know this, and we all know that he knows this, and some kind of sneaky decoy is what's needed in order to disperse our embarrassed selves of the situation at-

'You want to come in? We were going to order room service!' Holy shit, did _I _just say that?! Fuck, I clearly have a loose connection somewhere between my brain and mouth.

Mind, that's not the only loose connection I'm going to have soon, as I can tell by the look on Tyson's face. Actually, Hilary doesn't look too happy either. I think it's something to do with him being Kai's ex. Girls are funny like this; always protective over their guy friends. Plus, we all know Hilary thinks Kai's hot, despite his raging preference for penises.

'Ah, I'd love to, thanks Max!' he grins, following the rest of us into mine and Rei's room. While Kai grudgingly orders an extra meal he knows he'll end up having to pay for, the rest of us traipse onto the balcony (or stumble, in Rei's case. Where on earth did he get that tequila shot..?)

'So, Tyson…' Kane bravely closes the extremely awkward silence. 'How's, erm, Garfield?'

**(A/N): I've used the Garfield thing twice now, I think that's all I can get away with =P**

Tyson twitches a little, but smiles politely. 'It's Garland, actually. And, er, we broke up.'

For a second the mood goes completely downhill, and I'm getting slightly worried we might have to break into another bout of _Single Ladies_. I think Kane might have had just about enough of that for one night.

'So you and Tyson had a fling-a-ding-ding?' Fortunately that didn't come out of my mouth this time. Daichi's clearly bored of normal conversation and has resorted to making everybody uncomfortable.

So naturally, I join in! 'Oh yes, Daichi. Actually, Kane here is the only guy Tyson has ever been seme for!'

Kane laughs nervously as Daichi pipes up in awe, 'woww, I've heard so much about-'

'Oh. My. _God_!' Hilary seems ready to attack again. I think we've had quite enough of that this evening! 'Oh my god, oh my god!'

'What the hell?' Tyson is clearly as perplexed as the rest of us. Very unhelpfully so, might I add.

'Seme? _Seme_?! What were you doing being seme, you might as well be straight! Why him?!'

'Woah, Hil…' Tyson escorts her into the bedroom as Kai walks out from placing the order.

'So, babe…' Rei slides up towards Kane, who's beginning to look more uncomfortable by the minute. He licks his lips in a thoroughly unattractive way before slurring, 'you wanna' make out?'

'Well, um,' Kane searches frantically for a way out that's never going to arrive. 'Let's see how the evening goes.'

Rei grins. 'You got it, honey! Hey Tyson, where do we keep the vodka in this stupid place?'

'What do you want me to do, Rei? It's your room!' Tyson's voice shouts back from inside as Rei disappears through the doors saying things like 'ooh, maybe it's in the wardrobe I discovered…' You'd think it would take us to bleedin' Narnia, the way he's going on about it!

I'm currently situated between Kai and Kane with a maniacally frightening grin plastered on my face. It tends to be how I handle awkward situations…

'So technically Kai, it's like you've slept with Tyson.'

…Ah, and that too. 'Kane and Tyson…Kane and Kai…'

'And apparently it will be Kane and Rei later on,' Kane cuts in with a humorous smile. Well, I guess if he hadn't learned to deal with us by now, he'd be dead. Yep, dead. I don't really know how someone unequipped could deal with us and come out alive.

'Guy-' Rei is cut off by the sound of his own face hitting the concrete of the patio as he tumbles, arms flailing, having tripped over the threshold even _Tyson_ has managed to step over every time. He scrambles up again and tries to remember what he was about to say. 'I…er…um…'

'The drinks are here!' Tyson calls from somewhere inside.

'I WAS DOING IT, TYSON!' Rei bellows as we all sidle past him, a little nervously in Kane's case.

As we walk in, Hilary's in the middle of a heated discussion with Tyson. 'I just don't understand why it's him you would have picked to be seme for!'

'Hil, I've told you a thousand times; being seme and being straight are not the same thing! You can't possibly be jealous over-'

'I am _not _jealous!' Hilary picks up her drink as her audience does the same. 'And I'll tell you why I'm jealous!' she continues. 'Because I'm not jealous!'

…What?!

'You're jealous of those two?' this is a rare moment folks, one where Kai expresses a form of confusion…even, dare I say it, concern. Crikey… 'Hil, you know I was actually _with _Kane, right? We weren't just some one-night-stand. If anything, you should be mad about-'

'I am _not_ mad!' Hilary takes a gulp of her drink. 'And I'll tell you why I'm mad!' she continues. 'Because I'm not mad!'

'I don't get it!' Daichi wails. My sentiments exactly, young padawan!

Rei laughs goofily, pointing at Kai and almost falling over himself. 'So _that's_ what he sounds like!'

We all directly ignore him. 'Blimey, is this what I'm like when I'm drunk?'

'Max, you can be like this when you're _not _drunk.'

'I don't get it, though. Why be jealous over Tyson's fling and not my actual relationship? I mean, they had sex once! We had sex all the time! Sometimes in public places, like the time we went to the stable and got caught by my grandfather!'

Oh my god, stop it stop it stopitstopitstopit! Kai's just had a major case of OOC and I can't stand it! I'm sorry, God! I'll never ask for Kai to be more interesting again, I swear it! Just please, bring him back to normal!

'Dude, why are you trying to compete with me for _Hilary's _opinions?!' Tyson raises an eyebrow, then demanding in the same tone, 'And why didn't you tell me you had a stable?!'

'I...have no idea.' I am assuming he's answering the first question. 'It just seems a threat to me, you getting an upper hand in the battle…'

Oh god, the battle. Tyson and Kai have such rivalry with absolutely everything, it's now been given a name: the battle (well no shit, Max). This battle will never be won; it's an on-going competition, worse than any guy-count-competition had between Tyson and Hilary, that will never ever end even after the two of them die. Which…could be arranged…

While I invoke my evil plot (mwahahah…), the bickering continues as Daichi starts smashing things up in the bathroom in a fit of uncontrollable hunger, and Rei tries to engage Kane in conversation, ignoring all requests like 'I'd prefer it if you didn't touch me'. I decide it would be best if we all stepped back onto the balcony and stop disturbing Kenny next door, leading the party out as Kai rings downstairs to see what's taking the food so long.

'Well I just find it slightly insulting that Tyson was able to shove his dick into something the very same day he claimed he could never _ever_ bring himself to shove it into me!'

Firstly, _holy fucking shit,_ I didn't know _that_! The prospect of those two ever being…eugh! It's just odd! But despite her quite vulgar word-choice (which could have used some revision for the sake of the rest of us), the expression on the poor girl's face even stops Tyson in his tracks. I don't think it's even a case of wanting to fuck Tyson; I think she just feels insulted. (I should fucking _hope _it's not a case of her wanting to fuck Tyson, at any rate!)

'Aw come on, Hil,' Tyson smiles kindly at her. 'That was one night, and a huge mistake. Come on, I never wanted to be seme, and didn't even like it that much. I even gave him a fake number, didn't I?' Well, it was Kai's, but I'm sure that's redundant. 'Honest to god, it meant absolutely nothing to me.'

'Yeah,' I pipe up, mainly because I feel slightly left out but also because I have something to contribute which isn't stupid for once. 'I remember the next day, Hil. Do you know what he did? He cried the whole god damn day and said all he wanted to do was to talk to his best friend… The fucker!'

'Max!'

'I thought _I_ was your best friend!'

'Maxie, every gay needs a girl! Haven't you ever seen Will & Grace?' he grins back at Hil, who's also looking genuinely happier. 'Being seme was crap, Hil. It meant nothing.'

I sense an 'awww' moment coming on…

'Well it meant something to me!' Oh god, just when it was starting to go well. Right, Maxie, plots to murder everybody can resume…(I have spent way too much time with Kai!)

'Bu-Kane! You went out with Kai! We were a one-time-deal!'

…is it weird and a little too camp that I referred to myself as Maxie in my own mind?

'Didn't you consider for one moment that it was you I wanted to be with?! Didn't you think I wanted more than that?!'

Daichi, Hilary, Rei and I share rather startled looks. The drunker of the group even appears to have abruptly sobered! Hilary gives Kane a reproachful look as though she wasn't the one being completely unreasonable a couple of minutes ago. That girl's mood swings are fricken' miraculous as Rei's transformation from drunk to sober.

'Wha-but-but…' Tyson's completely at a loss for words (a miracle in itself). 'What about me could possibly have made it that memorable?'

'Well, if you must know, it's the only time I've ever been able to cum in my entire life.'

'_What_?!' Enter Kai. Oh shit.

'It's the truth! Kai, you could never do what Tyson could!' I think that's the first time anybody's ever heard someone say that when not referring to some food-eating contest.

Kai is outraged. 'You fucking cheated on me!'

'Exactly! I knew I couldn't have Tyson so I needed to seek elsewhere!'

Hang on a minute…I think I've had an epiphany here…wait…men can't fake it!

Okay, maybe it's not the best epiphany in the world, but still! 'Guys, me-'

'You said you had a semen deficiency!' Oh my lord, Kai, stop! And I don't even mean stop talking about personal stuff, I mean stop trampling on my chance to be intelligent, damn you!

'I had to say that!' he cries out dramatically. I've suddenly become very aware of people watching us from the hotel opposite…and the men three floors down are peering up to look at us aswell. I guess we are being sort of **LOUD **over here…just a little. I feel my cheek muscles contracting in that uncontrollable grin again. Oh dear. 'I tried, Kai! And I almost managed it that time in the stable, until your grandfather barged in! But my god, you don't know what it's like! All I ever wanted was Tyson and I had to live with knowing he didn't want me!'

He suddenly takes off into the bedroom. Kai throws his beer bottle off the balcony like he did Hilary's camera, but this time with much more force. Tyson appears to be thinking up his last words, and I think my face is going to crack with the force of the unstoppable grin.

'Geez,' Hilary raises an eyebrow. 'What a crazy bitch.'

Rei smirks, walking back towards the bedroom. 'Oh yeah. This is _exactly_ how I wanted this evening to go…'

I follow him, partly to ensure he doesn't break every bone in his body on the way, and partly to rid myself of The Grin ©. Kane's in tears on the bed, so Rei and I sit down on either side of him.

'You have plenty of love in you,' Rei says soothingly, nodding in understanding. 'You just need someone to give it to.'

'Exactly!' Kane sniffs. 'I…just need someone to depend on me…'

'Hmm…hold that thought.' Rei leaps up and charges out the door, seizing Hilary's card key on his way out. In his five-second absence, a short silence reigns in which Kane glances at me with an expression of sincere thanks…and I think the grin is stuck… Rei's then back again before we know it. Panting before Kane, he produces something from behind his back.

'Would…would you like a Chihuahua?' he gasps out, holding the revolting creature with an obvious plea in his eyes.

**(A/N): Tyson bought a Chihuahua in a previous chapter…for some reason…**

Kane clearly doesn't notice it though, because he takes it in his hands and his whole face lights up. 'Oh, thankyou! I shall name him Tyson…'

'Very appropriate!' I beam, helping him up and showing him to the door. 'ItwasnicetoseeyouagainKane,maybewe'llseeyoutomorrowbye!' Oh god, I've turned into Tyson…

I lean back against the door after closing it and heave a sigh of relief. Rei catches my eye and the two of us chuckle a bit, the moment being slightly ruined (and by that, I mean made so much better) by Kai's irritated voice.

'Are you telling me I'm paying for a meal the guy's not even going to eat?!' Well, when that's all Kai can find to be annoyed about, at least we know nobody's going to die…_tonight_! Mwahahahah!

'Max, what's with the evil laughing?' I…definitely didn't realise I was doing that out loud…

…

* * *

_(A/N):_ I had nothing for chapter 10 yet, unfortunately. I hope you enjoyed that; I wanted you all to see it, in case none of it ever gets shown. I just think that would have been a shame, the amount of time I spent on the other chapters.

At least I gave you quite a bit to read! XD

Goodbye for now, _When In Spain… _I hope to see more of you all soon. Or should I say, I hope you see more of me soon :P


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